


Letters and Coffee

by scarlet_orchard



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Bonnie Bennett-centric, Bonnie in college, F/M, Fluff and Angst, bonnie bennet needs a hug, kai parker needs a hug, no 1903
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25255285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarlet_orchard/pseuds/scarlet_orchard
Summary: Bonnie's struggling with the effects of the 1994 prison world when suddenly letters from a certain Gemini Coven leader begin to appear in her dorm room.
Relationships: Bonnie Bennett & Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennett & Damon Salvatore, Bonnie Bennett & Elena Gilbert, Bonnie Bennett/Malachai "Kai" Parker, Elena Gilbert/Damon Salvatore
Comments: 54
Kudos: 114





	1. The First Letter

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic on this site and I'm not like 100% sure how to do this so I'm sorry if this comes out a little wonky, I never really thought I would be writing anything, but this idea hit me on a random night at like 1 am, so here we are. This fic takes place like a month after the rave scene (6x16) and in this universe Lily Salvatore was never caught on camera. Comments on how I can improve would be really appreciated, thank you so much for reading!!!!! <3333

She hadn’t slept in weeks, the bags under her eyes growing heavier with every all nighter she pulled attempting to escape the nightmares that plagued her. She used to tell everyone it was to try to find a way to get Stefan and Caroline’s humanity back, she even convinced herself, but the dark circles loomed beneath her eyes far after both of them had flipped back their switch.

Bonnie came back different from the prison world in a way that she hadn’t expected. She craved solitude, longing for the safety of an empty dorm room whenever she was in a crowd of people. The sound of silence had been her constant companion in the prison world and as much as she wanted to escape it, she also craved it. Her friends had tried to help in the beginning and she had tried to let them. They threw her a party, stayed at her side, and got her settled back into college, but she soon came to the realization that they were just incapable of understanding. Even Damon couldn’t relate to her feelings of complete isolation. Besides, they had more important things to worry about, like Stefan and Caroline and the many people they killed or the drama of Elena forgetting Damon (which was the main topic of many conversations in the Salvatore household). She was alright with keeping her struggles to herself, she didn’t want them to worry.

Being around people was strange and took a big period of adjustment. She would jump at a whisper, flich around footsteps, and was on constant guard in public. Strangers also became a sort of solace, she loved to people watch or say hello to random strangers (a trait that Damon had started to tease her about). The first time she ordered a coffee from her favorite cafe on campus she sobbed into the mocha latte, having a moment of clarity in the driver's seat of her car that she was really back. She could order things again, talk to people, be back in the world. She was here and no one could take that from her again.

She also began to dissociate a lot, spacing out in conversations or forgetting what she was supposed to be doing. Memories of past traumas haunted her whether she was sleeping or awake. Jermey and her dad alternated between who died in front of her, dying herself multiple times. Sometimes she would wake up screaming, swearing there was someone passing through her from the otherside, the pain being so familiar. But the worst is when she would completely shut down, not being able to hear anything around her or speak, focusing on one spot on the floor or the wall and completely zoning out. This new trait was the most concerning to her friends, causing Elena and Caroline to worry, but they didn’t say much about it. Mostly they let her work through her episodes by herself, which Bonnie didn’t mind. 

She had begun to start adjusting after a month into the real world, going shopping with Caroline or having a drink with Damon and Alaric, whom she had begun to get along quite well. Her and Stefan even hung out once, walking to a park to talk over current events and sip on teas from her favorite shop. 

One sunny day in April, Bonnie and Elena walked through campus discussing an upcoming frat party after a particularly harsh study session.

“Oh come on Bon it’ll be fun!” Elena said, adjusting the binder in her hand that had begun to slip. Bonnie had offered to give her a hand, but Elena waved her off.

“I think the last thing I want to do this weekend is go to a house of frat boys filled with cheap beer and horrible music,” Bonnie replied. Elena laughed and rolled her eyes, nudging the shorter girl with her shoulder.

“You gotta get out there Bonnie, you haven’t gone to one party this semester! Plus if you're so worried about bad drinks, you, me, and Caroline can just sneak in Damon’s good bourbon.” Bonnie looked skeptically over when Elena mentioned Damon, he had been giving her space for the last month and Elena had made it very clear that he was banned from discussion so hearing his name was a shock.

“You're talking to Damon?” Bonnie inquired, raising a brow at her. Elena blushed and looked down at the pavement, biting her lip in embarrassment. Bonnie’s eyes shot wide open and she stopped in her stride.

“Oh my god, something happened? Did you two kiss?” Elena kept silent and tucked a stray piece of hair that had fallen from her ponytail behind her ear, shifting her face away from Bonnie’s gaze. Bonnie grabbed her friend's arm, causing her to look up, and narrowed her eyes accusingly.

“Well yes, but we also-”

“You slept with him?!” Bonnie exclaimed, interrupting Elena who promptly shushed her, reminding her that they were in the middle of the student square. Bonnie laughed in disbelievement and let go of her friend. Elena slapped her on the shoulder giving her a look that bordered on amusement and embarrassment.

“How’d that happen? Thought he was still in the doghouse” Bonnie questioned as the pair began their walk to the dorm again, passing by a garden of purple peonies that Bonnie stared longingly at. She hadn't had a bouquet of her favorite flowers since Matt had brought them to her dorm as a welcome home present.

“Well I decided to try to talk to him and then we kept hanging out and then it just kind of, um happened?” Elena explained, playing with the chipping pink nail polish that she had gotten done with Caroline a week prior.

“Does Care know?”

“Oh god no, please don’t tell her yet she’ll kill me. I just need a little bit more time to figure things out before everyone knows because I don’t really know what’s going on yet and I don’t need everyone’s opinions on it.” Both girls stopped for the crosswalk, turning to look at each other. Elena’s expression was anxious, eyebrows clenched in thought and confusion swimming in her big brown eyes. Bonnie sighed and placed a comforting hand on her arm.

“Don’t worry I won’t tell Caroline, your secret is safe with me,” Elena visibly relaxed and the two began to walk arm in arm across the street, their building in sight, “Besides, you both deserve a break, we finally don’t have the weight of the world on our shoulders.”

“Yes, which is why you need to start living and go to this party!” Bonnie scoffed and reached in her purse for her keys as they climbed the steps of the building.

“Oh come on Bonnie, please?” Elena pouted as Bonnie unlocked the door. She opened it and looked over to her doe eyed companion.

“I just can’t, it’s… it’s too much right now,” She said, shaking off her coat and going over to sit on her bed, exhausted from her classes and the extra study session. Elena nodded in understanding and tossed her friend a disappointed, but empathetic gaze and set her binder on the new desk in the corner.

Bonnie began to undo the laces on her boots, head clouded with thoughts of guilt at skipping yet another social event before she was interrupted by Elena calling out her name in a questioning tone.

She looked up at her friend holding a small envelope in her hands and furrowed her eyebrows.

“What’s that?” She asked, standing up from the bed to walk over.

“I don’t know, but it was on the desk and it has your name on it. How did someone get into our dorm?” The brunette inquired as she handed the envelope over to Bonnie for inspection.

As Elena said, Bonnie's name was written on the front of the white envelope in big blocky letters. She turned it over in her hands, studying it in confusion noticing the crinkling of the white paper.

“Bonnie, do you have a secret admirer?” Elena teased, flopping onto her bed and releasing her ponytail. Bonnie looked up and gave her an annoyed look, watching as she combed through her wavy hair and giggled.

“Well are you gonna open it?” She asked, grabbing her phone from her pocket and checking herself in the camera.

Slowly, Bonnie took in a nervous breath. She couldn’t tell why she was nervous, but the circumstances of a mystery letter unnerved her. Someone breaking into their dorm induced a cold panic to run through her. She shook off the thought, that was over she didn’t need to worry about being in danger anymore. 

She sat down on the bed and tore open the envelope, removing a folded piece of notebook paper that had the same handwriting as the front. Elena cast a curious look over her phone, but left Bonnie in privacy to read, scrolling on her phone as a distraction.

Bonnie turned over the letter, examining it and then unfolded it.

_ Dear Bonnie, _

_ I know I’m the last person you want to hear from, you made that pretty clear. I just, I tried to give you space, I’ve tried to move on, let you move on, but I can’t. I can’t sleep at night thinking that that night was the only shot I got at an apology. I don’t know how to cope, I don’t know what I’m doing. I mean I’ve already written this letter like 20 times and I still can’t get it right. There’s something wrong with me, well I mean obviously, but like other than that, I mean in the way that I don’t know what to do. That’s never really happened before I’ve always had a plan and, wow this is not about me, I’m rambling, how do you even ramble while writing a letter? I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say. I just need to say something. I need you to hear me in that I’m just so sorry, like can’t even fathom what I put you through sorry and you need to know that. I really need you to know that, like crazily obsessed with you knowing that, so please just read this and maybe think about me being able to say it in person? I know that might be too much. It’s not my place to ask to see you and you literally threatened to melt my face off if you saw me again which, while completely valid, did kinda hurt my feelings. So anyways, if you're willing to hear me out, come to Pine Roast Cafe on Friday at 2. It’s in the open, public so you know I’m not going to hurt you or kidnap you or anything like that. It’s just for an apology and some closure. Bonnie I just hope you're doing okay. I hope to see you. _

_ Kai _

She could feel her heart pounding as she read through the letter and stood up from the bed. Fears of a potential stalker or secret admirer flew out of the window as she read the name at the bottom of the page. 

Kai. 

Kai Parker.

The sociopath who traumatized and tortured her. He knew where she lived. He wanted to talk to her. He broke into her dorm. He knew her favorite coffee shop? No, that must’ve been a coincidence, there was no way he could know that even if he was following her, she goes to four different ones so that if she says she’s getting coffee no one knows which one she’s atso even if someone was following her they wouldn’t be able to pick up on that. Was he following her?

Her breathing started to quicken as she reread the letter looking for verification that this wasn’t just a new way for her mind to torment her. Visual hallucinations really didn’t seem that surprising to her, but as her eyes devoured the page she was convinced. She let out a small whimper. Elena looked up from her phone at the sound and jumped to her feet, quickly noticing her normally guarded friend’s upcoming panic attack.

“Bonnie? Are you okay? What did the letter say?” Elena asked, slowly approaching Bonnie whose eyes were still glued to the page, slowly filling with tears. Bonnie looked up at and met Elena’s eyes, which were full of worry, and opened her mouth to speak, but her throat was dry, allowing no words to pass. She stumbled back a step and hit her calf on the wooden bedframe. The sudden pain inspired a newfound rage in her, determination lighting up her forest green eyes.

“Bon what-” Elena began before being cut off by Bonnie barging past her, storming across the room. She began to rip the paper into shreds, hands trembling as she slammed the pieces into the trash can next to the desk. She took a gulp of air and rushed to the windows, clumsily locking them and pulling the curtains shut. Elena attempted to grab her friend's arm, but Bonnie pushed it off walking back to the trashcan to throw the envelope in and for good measure set it on fire with an  _ incidea _ .

She watched the flames devour his words, ignoring Elena’s yelp of surprise and she shakily stepped backwards, sitting on her bed. Tears began to stream down her cheeks and her small body began to tremble, the anger flooding out of her as hopelessness settled in. She thought she was past this, thought she could go the rest of her life without hearing or seeing that name again. Why her? Why couldn’t he just leave her alone?

“Bonnie!” Elena exclaimed, rushing over to the crying brunette. She wrapped her arms around her and Bonnie reluctantly gave into the sobs that were catching in her throat. Her fear seemed to choke her as the smell of smoke met her nose. She backed out of Elena’s arms and curled in on herself, wrapping her arms around her legs as she felt the flashbacks of 1994 begin. 

All of a sudden the sound of Elena’s voice became far and distant as Bonnie remembered a warm hand wrapping around her neck, squeezing until she was wheezing for air. She could feel his breath on her skin as he spoke into her ear, she could sense her hope fading as she stared at the empty key hole of the car and she slammed her eyes shut, attempting to escape the memory. 

The nauseating feeling of overwhelment consumed her and she tangled her fingers in her hair, trying to pull the experience from her brain, bring herself back to reality. She felt a hand land on hers and she flinched back, hitting her head against the wall with a loud thud.

“Oh god, sorry! Bonnie?” Elena exclaimed scooting back from her. Bonnie opened her eyes and rubbed her head, looking over to Elena. She breathed in slowly and let it out, feeling her panic begin to subside along with the vivid memory. Elena watched awkwardly as Bonnie wiped her tears and slid off her boots, moving to sit against the pillows, slowly collecting herself.

“Sorry, that was…” Bonnie trailed off panting, peering up at Elena. She scooted over to her with an empathetic expression.

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize, it's okay,” She replied, cradling Bonnie’s head in a hug. She began to comfortingly smooth down her hair that had been ruffled. Bonnie wrapped her arms around her torso and let herself be soothed. She hadn’t broken down in front of her friends like this yet, usually she waits until she’s alone or she goes off somewhere private if they’re in a crowded area, but this one she couldn’t control and it scared her a little bit that he still held that much power over her.

“Do you want to… talk about it?” Elena offered, pausing her petting to look at Bonnie. She sniffled and nodded, not meeting her friend's eyes. 

Honestly, she didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to keep it to herself, bury it down next to all the other things that were too painful to bring up, but she knew she owed Elena an explanation for the sudden pyrotechnics. She moved up out of Elena’s arms and sat in front of her, criss-crossed atop the sheets.

“The letter was from Kai,” Elena gasped and Bonnie nodded before continuing, “he wants to see me.”

“What?!” Elena exclaimed, Bonnie looked down and fiddled with the end of her sweater, attempting to control her breathing as she continued her explanation.

“He said he wants to,” She paused and took another breath, “apologize.”

“Bon, I’m so sorry, that’s-”

“Insane? I know, but it’s not exactly out of character,” Bonnie finished for her. Elena reassuringly took Bonnie’s hands.

“It’s ok Bonnie, I’m here, okay? He can’t hurt you anymore,” She assured.

“I know, thank you ‘Lena,” Elena smiled at her and they hugged once more.

Elena pulled back and a sudden realization dawned on her face as her eyes widened in fear.

“How’d he know our address?”


	2. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang decides what to do about Kai breaking into the dorm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! I wasn't really expecting anyone to read this, so it means a lot if you liked the story and I already have so many ideas about how to continue it. If you have any feedback on things I could do to improve my writing that would be greatly appreciated because I am so new at this. I hope you enjoy chapter two! <3

“Well you’re all obviously staying here,” Damon stated.

Bonnie had been watching him pace around the Salvatore sitting room for the past thirty minutes as she and Elena filled everyone in on her predicament. Caroline gasped and Stefan looked on worriedly while Matt began brainstorming safe places for them to stay, before Damon incredulously stated his opinion.

“Damon, he knows where the boarding house is,” Elena said. 

Bonnie observed in silence, clutching the cushion of the couch tightly for comfort. Her mind was racing and she felt nauseous again. Caroline sat beside her and kept occaissainly checking her for mental stability. She hadn’t informed the group of her breakdown, but when Caroline came into the room later that day and smelt smoke, Elena informed her of what happened.

“But we have people here,” Damon said, gesturing to the room of vampires. Stefan nodded his head in agreement, eliciting a noise of disapproval from Caroline.

“So?” The blonde asked, moving her gaze from Bonnie to Damon.

“So Blondie, that means protection. He can’t get to Bonnie through an army of vamps, not even Gemini Coven Leader can do that,” Damon explained, sauntering over to the bottle of bourbon on the table.

“I can protect myself,” Bonnie said, keeping her eyes trained on the carpet, fingers digging deeply into the red pillow. Caroline and Elena exchanged concerned looks and Bonnie inwardly cringed.

“Bon Bon,” Damon began softly, “we all know how super powerful and capable you are, but Kai-”

“I know he’s dangerous,” Bonnie snapped, “I’ve had plenty of experience.” 

Everyone shifted uncomfortably as Damon sighed and poured a second glass of bourbon, handing to Bonnie before walking over and sinking in the armchair. He took a deep gulp as Bonnie glared at him.

“I hate to agree with him, but Damons right,” Matt said as Bonnie sipped her glass. She felt the burn of the bourbon as it traveled down her throat. That was something that had always comforted her, it was her only solace in the prison world. The burn made her feel warm, almost like someone else was there with her, sitting in comfortable silence as they shared a bottle. It chased away the coldness of her loneliness and when she came back, she found that the feeling of warmth inspired by the drink stayed the same.

“I don’t care if he’s right. I’m not leaving,” Bonnie stated blankly.

“Bonnie, I’m sorry to say this, but you don’t really have a say in the manner. It's the safest thing that-” Damon began before being abruptly cut off.

“No!” She exclaimed, clutching her glass tightly. Noticing everyone’s warry glances, she softened her voice and continued, “I can’t let him… take this from me. I won’t let him ruin what I’ve built.” She looked back down at the carpet and took another greedy sip of her drink. Everyone around the room shared uneasy glances, Bonnie moved her eyes out of their line of sight. 

She knew it probably would be the safest thing to do, but leaving her dorm, going back to the boarding house all because Kai Parker sent her an apology note? She refused to let her life be dictated by him again. He had no say. And neither did Damon.

“It’s just a letter right now, he just asked to meet. She can stay at the dorm and Elena and I can watch over her in case anything happens,” Caroline offered, looking at Bonnie reassuringly. Bonnie met her gaze and smiled softly in thanks.

“Ok fine,” Damon said exasperatedly, rolling his eyes and taking a swig of his bourbon. Bonnie relaxed into the couch cushions and listened contentedly as the conversation moved to more trivial things. As hard as she tried to immerse herself back into it, she found herself disconnected. There was a tingling feeling at the back of her head that kept her constantly distanced from the others, her mind swirling with images of Kai breaking into her dorm or sitting at a coffee shop checking his watch. She downed the rest of her glass and listened to their chatter, drowning out the voice in her head.

A week had passed when the next letter appeared. Bonnie had just finished a test in her occult studies class. She didn’t really have much of an interest in the subject, for she had enough occult in her life, but she took the class to feel closer to her grams, who once taught it, and also because Alaric gave her more leeway than her other teachers, boosting her GPA. 

Her and Caroline had been sitting in the room discussing the exam when Caroline got a call from Stefan. She stuttered an excuse to leave the room and Bonnie rolled her eyes playfully, urging her to go ahead. Bonnie was glad for the alone time, for the past week she had the constant company of her friends, which was nice, but suffocating. Bonnie felt like she couldn’t breathe with the constant surveillance, it felt like they were waiting for her to break. Drinks with Damon and Alaric had been alright because they did the usual sitting in comfortable silence, but even they seemed weary around her, especially Alaric.

Bonnie sighed and rolled over in her bed, turning off the lamp on her bedside table. She might as well get some sleep, although it was unlikely she would get much of it. Sliding her hand underneath her pillow, she felt something poke her hand.

Grumbling, she turned her lamp back on it and pushed her pillow over, revealing a small envelope, this time with no writing on the front. She froze, the early feeling of relaxation completely transitioning to panic as she stared at it, waiting for it to do something. After a few moments of skeptically observing the seemingly innocent envelope, she let out a breath. She cautiously picked it up and turned her head to the door and windows. Everything was locked. She shook her head in confusion and peeled the surprise package open. Another sheet of notebook paper fluttered out, this time it was crumpled and there were smudges over the pages.

_ Dear Bonnie, _

_ So you didn’t show up. That’s fine, I understand, to be honest I didn’t really expect you to come. I don’t even know if you got the letter. The coffee was good though, I got a caramel macchiato with chocolate chips and extra whipped cream, in case you were wondering. I highly recommend it, if you go there. What am I talking about, you don’t care. Sorry. I know this is probably weird, I’m still kind of struggling with human interaction, I swear I’m better in person it’s just when you’re writing things down it’s like all this pressure because everything that you write down needs to be important. Basically I’m just writing to you again to say what I had all planned to say in person, which isn’t much, but it's something. I don’t get to see your reaction which kinda sucks, but it probably wouldn’t be that good anyways. Here it goes. Bonnie what I did to you was unforgivable, I deserve for you to hate me and never forgive me. I deserve for you to never talk to me again. I have done so many horrible things in my unfortunate years as a raging sociopath, but hurting you in the way that I did is definitely pretty up there. I mean yeah killing my brothers and sisters was crazy messed up, I know that, and I got my punishment for that. Eighteen years of punishment when honestly they should’ve just killed me. It would’ve been a mercy and saved so many people from suffering. But they didn’t. And I met you. I know you don’t believe me, but I’ve changed. I really have. I feel everything Bonnie. Like things I didn’t know even existed. I never understood why people cried over TV shows, but wow that feeling is just so weird. Empathy is the strangest thing I’ve ever come across in my life, which is really saying something. I just can’t get you out of my head no matter where I go. Pancakes make me want to throw up, teddy bears make me cry, there's just this pit in my stomach wherever I go and I can’t make it go away. I can’t control whether you believe me or not, although I really hope you do. Stay safe Bonnie. _

_ Kai _

She sat in a moment of stunned silence, staring blankly at the note. He broke in again, but that didn’t really surprise her, what did surprise her was the lack of anger in the note. There was no malice in his tone when he talked about her not showing up and he even apologized? Again? Something wasn’t adding up and Bonnie was failing to understand his game. Was telling her to “stay safe” a threat? 

As her confusion started to become overcome by a wave of panic, the doorknob began to turn. Quickly she shoved the piece of paper back underneath her pillow and slid back underneath her covers, heart pounding. Caroline opened the door and sighed looking to Bonnie with an excited grin on her face.

“You won’t believe what just happened,” Caroline exclaimed, sighing and flopping onto Bonnie’s bed. Bonnie shoved her back against the pillow and raised an eyebrow at the irony of Caroline’s statement.

“Stefan said that Elena and Damon are back together!” Caroline said, eyes wide in excitement. Bonnie stared back at her with a blank face and gave her an awkward smile. Caroline’s face fell and she slumped.

“You knew,” She said disappointingly, Bonnie shrugged at her in apology. She knows how Caroline loves to disclose exciting new information.

“It was an accident, Elena accidentally told me, but she didn’t want anyone to know. She didn’t know if she wanted to get back with him again.” Bonnie replied, Caroline sighed and laid next to Bonnie, not noticing the slight shake in her voice. Bonnie froze as Caroline’s head hit the pillow. She didn’t know why she felt such panic at the prospect of her friend finding the letter. She guessed it was because she didn’t want to deal with the consequences of having Kai breaking into their dorm again, especially when they had been taking precautions.

She still didn’t want her life to revolve around her fear of him and school was one of the only comforting things in her life. She may feel anxious or wary around large groups of people, but the fact that they were  _ there _ was comforting. This would be her secret, she decided. This wouldn’t let this affect her, she won’t freak out about it. She’s not freaking out about it. No tears or fire, that’s a good sign right?

“At least we don’t have to see Liam anymore, I mean he was easy on the eyes, but talk about conceited. He couldn’t go two minutes without talking about some kind of medical miracle he performed,” Carolines voice snapped Bonnie out of her trance, bringing her attention back to the present. As she rambled, Bonnie carefully slid her hand under the pillow sliding the letter to the back of the bed, pushing it off.

Caroline froze and turned her head up towards the top of the bed, eyes alert. Bonnie quickly removed her hand from beneath the pillow and set it on top of the covers.

“What was that?” Caroline asked.

“What was what?” Bonnie responded, trying her best to sound innocent.

“Vampire hearing,” Caroline responded, gesturing to her ears, “I heard something shuffle.”

“Something probably fell off the bed,” Bonnie said, looking down to the edge of the sheet which had a stray string. Caroline shrugged and picked up where she left off and Bonnie inwardly sighed in relief.

For the rest of the night Bonnie listened as Caroline ranted, giving her input every few stories and gasping at all the appropriate times, but she couldn’t help that her mind kept wandering to a stray piece of paper underneath the bed.


	3. Unexpected Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damon surprises Bonnie while studying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you so much for commenting and reading, I love to hear feedback so let me know what you think of the story! I promise it starts to pick up soon, I already have a few more chapters written and I hope you like what I have planned for these characters. Bonnie has always been my favorite character from the series so I've been having an extremely fun time giving her the story line that Plec discarded and I have a soft spot for Kai (and he's just a really fun character in general). Anyways thats enough of me rambling, hope you all enjoy the chapter!

The next few days passed Bonnie by in a haze, spring break was in a few weeks and Elena and Caroline kept attempting to make plans, but Bonnie just couldn’t bring herself to get into it. Everything wasn’t as exciting as she once imagined it to be. She used to always dream about being in college, free from adult supervision, but with all the main adult presences in her life dead (or undead), the thought just depressed her. The beach seemed crowded, the mountains too lonely, she could barely go to a bar, how was she supposed to survive a week of college parties. She knew she only had a matter of days before Caroline spiralled and forced her to make a decision. 

Bonnie spent her days going to classes, studying, and spending a surprisingly large amount of time with Caroline. Elena and Damon had been basically connected at the hip ever since they made it public that they were together and Bonnie didn’t want to interrupt their new relationship, especially with how fragile it seemed, so she found herself constantly hanging around the blonde. The dent in her bank account may not recover, but she was happy to spend the money to be in the company of one of her best friends. 

Caroline was easy to be around, she did most of the talking, but was still observant to Bonnie’s mental state. She easily picked up on if Bonnie was feeling uncomfortable in a crowded area, subtly suggesting leaving, and Bonnie was grateful. Caroline even managed to drag Matt to one of their outings, making him their personal shopping cart as the trio spent three hours wandering around various department stores.

In her free time, Bonnie found herself drawn to a specific cafe, sitting at the table in the corner, hiding behind her laptop and a pile of textbooks. The barista working quickly learned her order of a hazel cappuccino with cinnamon sprinkled on top and was on a first name basis with her, which alleviated her social anxiety.

The letter haunted her thoughts, but she was determined to keep it out of her mind. She ended up hiding it in an old grimoire she had already flipped through, spelling it shut to any prying eyes, although she was fairly certain that her roommates had no real need for a book of spells.

She was at the Pine Roast again, working on a paper for her psychology class. It was a difficult one and she was already on her third cup. She was debating getting a muffin and calling it dinner when she saw Damon walk in. He looked around before spotting her and he made his way over, pulling up a chair at her table.

“Hey,” he said, peering over at her screen.

“Uh, hi? Funny seeing you here,” She said, raising her eyebrows in question.

“I checked your other spots and you weren’t there so I assumed you would be here,” Damon replied, peering over her shoulder to check out the menu.

“Okay? What do you need me for?” She closed her laptop, knowing she was most likely not going to finish this paper tonight. Damon looked over from the menu to her, mock disbelief crossing his features.

“I’m offended Bon, is it too much for me to just wanna hang out with my favorite town witch?” He grinned at her and Bonnie narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

“I’m serious I just want to hang out. I haven’t seen you in like a week and all Ric’s on a post marriage high, so you’re like the only sane person right now in my life,” Damon explained, setting his hands on the table.

“How’s Ric doing?” Bonnie asked, taking a sip from her cup.

“A little shaken from the news that you know who’s in town. Him and Jo have been sort of boarded up in their house, another reason I need to hang out with Sabrina the college age witch,” Damon said, gesturing to the pile of textbooks sitting next to her laptop and she gave him an annoyed look at the nickname.

“What about Elena?” Bonnie inquired

“Oh it’s going great, but it’s been a little awkward since she’s deciding if she wants to take the cure or not,” Bonnie almost dropped her cup in shock. Her eyes went wide and her jaw fell slack.

“She’s gonna take the cure?” She whispered, looking around suspiciously in case any eavesdroppers were present.

“She said she’s been thinking about it for a while, but now with our relationship she doesn’t want to jeopardize a future and apparently it’s too early to offer myself up to take the cure, even though I would-”

“You would become human?” Bonnie interrupted, shocked by the news. Damon had given Elena the cure a couple of weeks after Bonnie had given it to him, causing the shunning that he had been suffering. She had been quite upset that he had hid it from her, but she had yet to take it and Bonnie assumed she was saving it for farther down the future when she was settled into a career.

“A future with Elena, with kids and grandkids sounds kind of nice doesn’t it? Also outliving you would be a bitch. Bennett witches are always good to have in your pocket and it doesn’t look like your line is continuing anytime soon,” Damon teased, causing Bonnie to throw him a soft glare, although it was supposed to be an insult she felt herself smile at his acknowledgment of how he needed her.

“What about Stefan?” She asked, picking her cup back up and staring at the swirling coffee.

“That’s what I’m torn about. I can’t leave my little brother to fend for himself, but if Elena takes the cure, I take it end of question. I’m just hoping that she waits just a little longer,” he sighed and stood, searching his pockets for his wallet.

“Watcha doin?” Bonnie asked the vampire.

“Getting a coffee, duh” He replied, gesturing to the counter. Bonnie rolled her eyes playfully.

“Get me a muffin”

Damon walked her home later after a long conversation of topics consisting of both Gilberts, Damon’s conspiracy that Caroline and Stefan were gonna get together, and baby names for the twins.

Despite the three cups of coffee, Bonnie was exhausted when she got back to the empty dorm. Caroline and Elena were at a party they failed to convince Bonnie to go to, which probably explains why they had Damon meet her at the cafe and walk her home, but she was glad she wasn’t bringing them down and also glad for the company of her former prison mate.

Subconsciously, she checked underneath her pillow to find it empty and relief spread through her. She had started to change clothes when her grimoire sitting on the desk caught her eye. She could’ve sworn she left it underneath her bed. Quickly, she pulled up her pajama shorts and cautiously approached the desk.

She flipped open the grimoire, noticing the lack of her spell, and it landed on the page that she had stashed the letter, but accompanying the stray notebook paper was a neat white envelope. She grabbed it and looked back to the door, checking it was locked before opening it.

_ Dear Bonster, _

_Hi. I’m not sure how to start this. I don’t really have a reason to write to you. I said everything I needed to say in the last letter, but it just feels nice to talk to you. That’s selfish isn’t it? To use you as a coping mechanism? Isn’t that a fun term, I learned it from the internet which is like so crazy, you can look up anything? That’s insane! Anywho yes I’m being selfish writing to you and that’s kind of a big deal because I sort of promised myself I would try to stop being selfish, but maybe you’re not reading these at all and just throwing them away so I’m really just talking to myself which isn’t selfish. If I’m talking to myself does that make me crazy? I guess that's not completely new to me though right? That was a joke. Is it weird if I joke? God I really need to get this social interaction thing under control, it’s getting embarrassing. I felt a new emotion yesterday! Isn’t that exciting? I thought that I felt them all, but I looked it up and apparently indignation is when you feel angry that someone else is being treated unfairly. I’ve probably felt it before, but now I have emotional intelligence (another thing I learned from the internet, yay!) so it’s different. I felt indignation (now I feel like a douche using that) because of you. I was thinking about all the things that have happened to you and I just felt so mad. Like actually pissed off. I mean I got put away at 22! You faced an original vampire and faked your own death at 16? That’s crazy. And yes I know this because I spied on you and Dillian in the prison world, which is awful and an invasion of privacy, but still! Oh, I saw a really good movie the other day that you might like, it’s called WALL-E. I think it’s made for kids, but oh my god that shit was sad, I cried so hard, those goddamn robots just really got to me. Sorry for the letters, I know they’re weird and invasive and if you are actually getting them you're probably freaked out that I keep getting into your dorm, but I swear it’s just for the letters I’m never there when you're there. That sounds even creepier! Jesus! I mean I just come to drop them off and leave, nothing else, so don’t worry about like me being scary. Enjoy the sunny weather!_ _  
__Kai_

_ P.S - I’m writing this part in your room (yeah weird whatever) because I found your grimoire when I went to drop off this letter. I wasn’t like snooping or anything, I could just feel the magic of the binding spell calling me, y’know siphoning things, and I just got curious. Pretty good binding spell by the way, if I wasn’t a siphoner I definitely wouldn’t have gotten in so props. I’m pretty sure that’s proof that you read my letter which is nice, but also means that you officially stood me up, so there’s that. Sorry for the subtle snooping I didn’t mean to invade your privacy. Thank you. For reading it. It kind of means a lot. So thanks. _

Bonnie gulped, her throat going dry. This letter was different from the other ones, it felt more… personal? She mentally hit herself for not burning or disposing of the other stupid letter when Elena and Caroline had left the room, now he knew she kept it. Slowly, she set the letter back down on the open page of the grimoire and began to pace around the room.

With each step she took a new thought filled her head. She would have to tell her friends about this, right? It felt weird keeping a secret from them, but also oddly liberating. She finally had something going on in her life that was truly her own and besides he didn’t seem to be much of a threat. Much of a threat? This is Kai Parker of course he’s a threat! 

She sighed and flopped on her bed, hands over her eyes. She was pissed and confused and stressed and kind of excited. Was she going crazy? He had only sent her three letters and she was spiralling. If the goal here was making her go insane then he was surely on the right track. She looked over at the letter sitting innocently on her desk and glared at it. It was mocking her,  _ he  _ was mocking her.

But it seemed innocent enough, all he did was ramble weakly about his mental state and talk about old Pixar flicks. He even seemed to worry about her? That wasn’t right he couldn’t actually care. She didn’t believe him, he hadn’t changed, she knew that. Didn’t she? She got up from the bed and slowly approached the letter again.  _ It’s just a piece of paper it doesn’t mean anything _ , she thought to herself as she stood above it.

_ It kind of means a lot. _

No. It doesn’t. It doesn’t mean anything. She pursed her lips and snatched both papers off the grimoire, crumbling them in her hand in anger and with a bolt of rage she chucked them at the wall. Tears began to slip from her eyes and down her cheeks, her breath shallow. A wave of dizziness struck her and she fell back onto the desk chair, clutching the back of her neck and bowing her head.

She was shaking, the exhaustion from earlier clouding her thoughts as she cried. Her hands moved from clasped behind her neck to her cheeks, pushing back the tears and she sniffled. Knees hitting the floor, she searched beneath the desk as she tried to control her breathing. Her hand hit a crumpled ball and she clutched it to her chest and continued her search for the other one.

Sitting back on the desk chair she smoothed the two pages to the best of her ability as a final tear slipped down her face. They were still fairly wrinkled, but decipherable. She delicately placed them back in the grimoire and closed it, running her hand down the cover, spelling it shut.

Her body felt heavy with fatigue as she slid the big book underneath her bed and crawled underneath the covers. She turned off her lamp and settled her head on the pillow, her growing curls sprawled out across the white fabric. Sleep came easy that night, but before she let herself over to it she felt a small smile form on her lips.


	4. A Break in the Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caroline pesters Bonnie about her decision for spring break and Bonnie makes a sudden decision regarding the odd situation plaguing her life.

She ended up having to get a box for the letters. By the end of the second week he had sent her six more, each containing information on movies he had watched or random events that took place in his life. After catching herself giggling when she read about his first experience at a BestBuy she attempted to stop reading them, maybe burn a few, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it and caved after only three days.

They became a weird part of her routine and she hated herself for it. She begrudgingly accepted that she had come to hope a new envelope would appear beneath her pillow, or in her grimoire, or that one weird time he hid one in her jacket pocket. She resented how she would search for them and detested how she became disappointed when she couldn’t find one, but most of all she despised him for having the audacity to make himself a presence in her life again.

The Wednesday before spring break Caroline finally snapped and made Bonnie make a decision. She had made plans for the trio to go on a beach trip, leaving that Monday and returning on Friday and took Bonnie out to lunch to discuss. The guilt of having to let her friend down weighed on her, but she knew she didn’t want to go and this was her only chance to let her friend down softly.

“So I was thinking that we could schedule a sunrise watch party. I know, I know getting up early is like the worst, but-” Caroline had been making plans for the last half hour as Bonnie sipped on her milkshake. The Mystic grill was crowded, but it wasn’t unbearable since they were sitting at a more secluded table and the milkshake had helped to calm her nerves, but her anxiety was skyrocketing with every word Caroline uttered about the upcoming vacation.

“Caroline?” Bonnie asked, interrupting her.

“Ok fine, maybe not sunrise,” She responded, setting down her hands on the table in defeat.

“Care it’s not about the sunrise,” Bonnie shifted her eyes downwards, her hands settling in her lap as she fidgeted.

“Okay? Then what is it?” Bonnie sighed and looked into her blue eyes, an apology present on her face.

“I can’t go,” She stated, wincing at Caroline’s befallen expression, “I’m sorry Care I know I should’ve said it earlier, but you were so excited and-”

“No I get it,” Caroline responded, letting out a disappointed puff of air. Bonnie’s eyebrows rose and she looked at the blonde in shock. She had not been expecting this to go so easily.

“Oh don’t look at me like that, I’m understanding!” Caroline said, a defensive look on her face. Bonnie smiled and took a small drink of her shake.

“I kind of knew you weren’t coming anyway, a girl can hope though,” She continued.

“I’m sorry Caroline, I really am, I just have so much to catch up on and going to the beach sounds like-”

“Like a lot of stress. I understand Bonnie, you don’t have to apologize,” The two shared a soft smile before Caroline picked up a fry off her plate and flung it at the brunette.

“But you owe me and Elena at least one party when we get back!” She said humorously. Bonnie laughed and nodded her head in agreement, glad for the pleasant conversation.

After a few moments of idle chatter, the waitress approached their table and Bonnie grabbed her purse to pay, but the woman informed them that their meal had been paid for. The girls shared confused looks and the waitress handed them their bill, showing them the dollar amount that the meal would’ve cost, before leaving to refill their drinks.

“That’s weird,” Caroline said as the pair looked over the receipt.

“Yeah, who in Mystic Falls has any human decency?” Bonnie responded, earning a glare from Caroline.

“That doesn’t apply to us,” Bonnie explained, pointing to Caroline, “vampire,” she gestured to herself, “witch.” Caroline rolled her eyes and tossed the bill back on the table with a sigh.

“Maybe there’s a hot mystery guy that payed for us,” Caroline pondered, looking wistfully towards the bar.

“Yeah, sure,” Bonnie said with a huff. She hadn’t been hit on a guy since the douche at the rave, but then again she hadn’t really made herself available. Caroline looked back at her friend with a mischievous smile and Bonnie narrowed her eyes with a smirk.

“Speaking of hot guys,” Bonnie started, an idea forming in her mind, “how are you and Stefan?”

“What? Me and Stefan? I-” Caroline sputtered, a blush rapidly growing across her cheeks. Bonnie smiled at her friend, waiting for her to finish her short circuit.

“Did he say something?” She asked, leaning forward in her chair.

“No, but I see the way you two look at each other. There is some major unresolved tension, and didn’t you guys sleep together when, you know?” Bonnie asked, which elicited an embarrassed expression from Caroline.

“Yes, but we haven’t talked about it,” She responded, tucking a strand of curly blonde hair out of her face.

“I say you should go for it, I mean what’s the worst thing that could happen?” Caroline smiled at her friend and nodded her head in concurrence. The two tipped the waiter and left the grill, going back to their dorm to sneak in a little bit of studying before their test on Monday.

The next letter was found in Bonnie’s lampshade, scotch tape tearing it a little as she ripped it off. It was Tuesday, so the dorm was all hers with Elena and Caroline gone on their trip and Bonnie had been enjoying the ample space. She had candles set up to practice a spell, but when she went to turn off the lamp her band brushed the sharp edge of an envelope and she rolled her eyes, snatching it off.

After tossing the tape in the trash, she flicked on the lights and sat on her bed to read the latest installment of what had basically become Kai’s diary. She groaned at the thought, regretting the comparison.

_ Hi Bon! _

_ It’s currently 2 AM and I was watching this cheap rented movie, but then I had the sudden urge to write to you, so here I am, hunched over a hotel desk with only the TV screen as a light source.  _

The letter went on as they usually did, Kai rambling about one experience or another, managing to sneak a couple of jokes in here or an apology there, but Bonnie found herself to be completely enraged by the time she reached his signature at the bottom.

She wasn’t sure what was different this time, but she was utterly pissed off, her hands shaking as she stared at the page. Maybe it was a moment of clarity, but Bonnie’s eyes widened with the realization of what she was doing. She had been reading, saving, and hiding letters from  _ him _ for the past month? This was ridiculous! What the hell was she doing? Where was she going with this?

She slammed a hand to her face in frustration and let the letter flutter down from her hands onto the floor. She wouldn’t let this continue, she couldn’t! She sank to her knees onto the floor and stared intently at a candle, annoyance rising in her. Suddenly, she was reminded of another time when she was pissed at Kai and was staring at a candle. The memory began to overtake her, the smell of alcohol littering the floor attacked her senses and the image of Damon cowered on the aisle floor. Her fingernails pierced her skin, effectively bringing her back to reality and her anger flared into a storm brewing beneath her skin.

This had to stop, she had to get him away from her. Even in letter form he haunted her and that thought alone was enough to make her want to tear every single sentence he wrote to her to shreds. These stupid goddamn letters were annoying, and intrusive, and a total invasion of privacy and she had to let him know. Had to make him stop.

Without thinking it through, Bonnie snatched a pen and spare piece of paper from her desk and plopped herself in the chair, preparing herself to write a scathing letter. She wrote the first two words then paused.  _ There’s no way he would stop just from a few poorly thought out insults _ , she thought and set the pen down, resting her head against the desk.

He needed to get something out of it, something to coerce him away from writing to her. Maybe she could leave a chocolate bar or something, he seemed immature enough to go for it. 

“Ugh,” She exclaimed, pressing her fingers to her temples in order to ward off the upcoming headache. Suddenly an idea popped into her head and her eyes widened in part excitement and part fear as her hand began forming the words. She pulled back and stared at her note, checking it over for any mistakes.

_ Dear Kai _

_ I would say thank you for writing, but then that would defeat the whole purpose of this letter. I’m sick of it. The notes, the hiding places, the breaking into my dorm, YOU. It all needs to stop and I know you're not gonna give in that easily, so I have a proposition for you. In return for you finding another, as you so eloquently put it, coping mechanism (may I recommend therapy?), I will agree to an in person meeting. It has to be in a public place and nothing unconventional. I’m doing this only to stop receiving your letters and nothing more so please don’t take this as an opportunity to mend our relationship, I still strongly dislike you. _

_ Screw you, _

_ Bonnie _

She smiled smugly and set her pen down next to the note. The wave of anger she had felt so intensely earlier began to subside and she neatly tucked her chair back into the desk. The letter from earlier was still on the floor, so she picked it up and stuck it in the shoebox underneath her bed, setting it down carefully next to the others and positioned herself back down in the middle of her candles, starting the spell she had meant to practice.

The next day, she returned from an outing with Damon to her room being undisturbed from the night before, candles still setup and the note on her desk remaining undisturbed. She frowned in disappointment, but shrugged it off and began her cleanup.

As she put away the last candle, her conversation with Damon lingered in her mind. He had asked about her relationship with Jo and she explained their tenuous and awkward encounters. Jo had always seemed uncomfortable around her and Alaric had told her it was because she felt guilty about what Kai had put her through, but the two never talked about it.

Jo seemed nice and she was kind enough to invite Bonnie to her wedding and bachelorette party, so she wondered if she should reach out to her, maybe patch up some of the awkwardness between them. 

Sighing, Bonnie unzipped her backpack and pulled out her laptop. She needed to get a start on this paper soon or she knew it would never get done. She had recently picked up an unfortunate habit of procrastinating and it had started to affect her school work. After having all that free time in the prison world, deadlines were hard to abide by, no matter how good of a student she used to be.

Bonnie pushed aside her note to set her laptop down, but paused as she saw a tear in the page. She didn’t remember that. Slowly, she picked it up and examined it. The note seemed as she remembered, but as she turned it around, there were a few extra words written in a familiar blocky handwriting.

  
_ Friday at 2, Pine Roast Cafe _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger! Next chapter is basically all just Kai and Bonnie talking in person and it's already written (I just need to edit it). Thank you all so much again for reading this and leaving kudos. Once again, comments are super appreciated and this story is already getting a lot more interaction then I thought it would, so they really do just inspire me to write faster and try to get chapters out as soon as I can. Also, this story seems like it's gonna be kind of long, one because of the slow burn that I have in mind, and two the shorter chapters make it so that I can get them out faster, but they also make it so that I really only have about two scenes per chapter, so let me know if you would rather the chapters be longer or if you would rather them just come out at the same speed. I hope you're enjoying the story so far and get ready for the next chapter because it's finally the Bonkai interaction I know you all came here for! <33333


	5. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Bonnie meet face to face over a cup of coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the first confrontation. This took me a surprisingly long time to write, but it's just so fun writing dialogue between these characters so I hope you enjoy! Make sure to keep leaving comments, they really inspire me even if it's something little. Thank you so much for reading <33333

Bonnie groaned, annoyed at herself for being unable to choose an outfit. Part of her wanted to wear something comfy and casual, showing she didn’t care what he thought of her, but another part wanted to show up looking nice just so she could rub it in his face, proving he couldn’t shake her. The whole of her was just pissed she was putting so much thought into it.

Reluctantly, she sat up from her bed and picked up the simple tank top and cardigan. She snatched a silver necklace from her nightstand and put on a little mascara, enough to accentuate her eyes, but not enough to draw any attention to the fact that she was wearing makeup. Her hair was down, the front strands pulled back and a few curls loose to frame her face. 

She checked her phone and rolled her eyes. She was stalling and was probably going to be late if she didn’t leave now. Maybe being late wasn’t such a bad thing, maybe she just shouldn’t go at all. No, she had to do this, she had to face her demons no matter how appealing it was to spend the day sulking in bed.

Her walk over to the coffee shop was normal enough, the weather cloudy, but warm. She smiled at a few of her professors and checked her phone about ten times, but nonetheless ended up in front of the Pine Roast much faster than she expected.

He saw her as soon as she stepped in the door, his head snapping up at the sound of the bell. She looked nice, hair down a cute tank top, maybe he should’ve dressed up more. She looked around and he gulped, standing up from the seat he had been previously occupying. He had to fight himself from getting there an hour early, instead settling for five minutes, enough to ready himself, but clearly that had not been effective.

She turned and met his eyes. Her eyes were so pretty, big and green and- he was staring. Clearing his throat, he walked slowly towards her, trying not to wince underneath her scathing glare.

“Your hair’s grown,” He said, mentally kicking himself at the comment. She scoffed, shaking her head in disapproval.

“Obviously” She answered underneath her breath. He shifted uncomfortably and looked towards the front counter.

“Do you want to order or are you just gonna stand at the door?” He teased, quickly realizing that was not the right thing to say as she gave him an annoyed look. In spite of her displeasure, she followed his input and walked up to the counter, ignoring the fact that he was right behind her, waiting for the barista to notice them.

“Ah my regulars, this should be easy. I’m assuming the usual for you two?” He asked, earning a surprised look from Bonnie. He gave her a shrug and nodded at the worker.

“Yup, thanks Mike,” Kai replied, diving into his pocket for his wallet. As he pulled out a ten, Bonnie shook her head, seemingly knocking herself out of a trance.

“Excuse me, we’re not ordering together,” She said, putting a hand on the counter to get the barista’s attention. Mike looked up and gave an unconvinced look to Kai.

“Don’t worry about it Bon, I’ll pay,” He said, setting the ten down on the counter.

“No, actually Kai I’m perfectly capable of buying my own damn coffee,” She said, her tone dripping with malice as she scooted his bill away from her with the tip of her index finger. An uncomfortable silence fell between the two of them as she sized him up before an awkward throat clearing by the barista brought her attention back to her order.

“I’ll take my regular please,” She continued, looking to Mike as she pulled her own money from her cardigan pocket. Kai rolled his eyes as he grabbed his bill and lingered behind her until she finished paying, ordering for himself afterwards.

“Was that really necessary?” He asked her as they waited for their orders.

“This isn’t a friendly outing. We don’t need to treat it as such,” She answered, grabbing her coffee off the counter. He followed suit and trailed her to a small table at the back of the building. It was quaint, nestled next to the window and out of the way. He always preferred the tables near the door, watching customers order or families walk around the street. Recently, he had begun to develop an affinity for people watching, a habit that would’ve made the old Kai vomit.

“That drink is ridiculous,” Bonnie said, gesturing to his cup. Kai smiled and took a sip, getting whipped cream above his lip.

“You wouldn’t think that if you had a sip, wanna do a tradesies Bonster?” He said, licking the cream off.

“If you come near it, I will pour this scalding hot coffee down your jeans,” She replied, giving him a smile. He scoffed at the threat, shaking his head.

“Come on Bon Bon can’t we be civil?” He asked, placing his hands on the table.

“I thought I made it perfectly clear in my letter that I had no intention of being  _ civil _ ,” He sighed dramatically and drummed his fingers against the table.

“Don’t do that,” She said, a sneer on her face. 

“Why?”

“Because it’s annoying,”

“Well, I’m annoying,”

“Yeah I’ve noticed,”  _ Ouch _ . He cocked his head surveying her, she looked displeased, but as she sipped her coffee, he couldn’t help but notice a glint of humour in her eyes.

“What I said earlier about your hair, I just meant that it looked nice,” He said in an attempt to push the conversation into a more pleasant direction. She set her cup down on the table and gave him a quizzical look.

“What’s your game,” She asked, seemingly ignoring the compliment.

“My what?”

“Your game, your scheme. I mean this is all obviously an act, I’m just not sure why,” He almost laughed at the response and she narrowed her eyes even further.

“I don’t have a  _ game _ ,” he said, accentuating the word with air quotes, “I’m telling the truth I’ve changed.”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Seriously Bonnie, what could I possibly gain out of this situation?”

“I don’t know, revenge?”

“Revenge?” He scoffed, taking another sip of his drink, “Please do enlighten me on how I could get revenge from you sitting here glaring at me.” At that she looked away and crossed her arms.

“Pouting? Really Bon if you're so hellbent on not believing me you gotta at least have a good excuse,” Kai said, a disapproving look on his face.

“A good excuse? Oh trust me, I have plenty, but I’m guessing I don’t have to rehash all the dirty details and hurt your shiny new feelings” She said, leaning forward in her chair, an expression of mock pity adorning her features, “Why are you being such a dick anyway? I thought you came here to grovel for my forgiveness.”

“Like I said in my letters, my social interaction skills are a little rusty,”

“You said you were better in person,”

“Ha! You just admitted you read them!” He exclaimed, she rolled her eyes and took a long swallow from her drink.

“Actually that’s kind of embarrassing. Those letters were a little, uh, personal,” He confessed, scratching the back of his neck.

“Oh quit the innocent act Kai, I’m not buying it,” She said and he sighed, leaning back in his seat.

“Oh really? I didn’t hear you the first billion times,” He responded, adjusting his posture before continuing, “Bonnie why did you ask to meet me?”

“To get you to stop sending the letters,” She answered.

“If you would’ve just asked then I’d have stopped sending them,” She looked uncomfortable, her grip on her coffee tightening, “You didn’t have to set up this meeting and you know that” He said the last part softly, trying to catch her eyes.

“Fine, then I’ll just leave,” She snapped, snatching her cup off the table and standing. He went cold, a jolt of panic shooting up his body. She couldn’t leave now, not after everything he wanted to say to her, everything he had already said to her. He thought she was bluffing, but as she grabbed her purse and turned to walk out the door, he jumped up from his seat, causing an abrasive sound as the chair scratched against the floor.

“Wai!” He called, drawing the attention from nearby customers. Bonnie abruptly turned her head back at him, flashing furious green eyes his way. He maintained his composure before continuing, giving a slight cough in an attempt to break the tension.

“I didn’t mean that you should go,” His voice was smaller than intended, inducing a cringe. He didn’t want to seem weak in front of her, not when she believed him to still be a sociopathic manipulator.

“Please, just... Sit back down,” He said, gesturing to the newly vacant seat as he himself shrank back onto his own cushion. She looked from the door and back to him, biting her lip in frustration. Eventually she sighed and perched herself back at her seat, resting her purse against the floor and setting her cup back on the table.

Immediately his body relaxed and he stared at her in relief. She quirked up an eyebrow and lifted her drink to her lips, amused by his expression.

“So,” He started, wringing his hands.

“So?”

“So, new conversation topic?” She let out a breath and he smiled. Her being annoyed was much better than her storming off in a fit of rage.

“Kai, I really don’t know what to say,” The more he looked at her the more exhausted she appeared. He felt his heart throb as he took in the bags underneath her eyes, almost as large as his own. A pang of guilt hit him and his throat clenched. He had done this to her, made her as miserable as he was, trapped her in the prison that was meant for his punishment.

“We could talk about our favorite colors or new TV shows, I started watching this show called how to get away with murder, which you would think I would be really into, but its just kind of boring. I guess it’s cause I already know how to ‘get away with murder’ eh Bon? ” He let out an awkward chuckle and at the lack of a response, looked down, using the painful silence as an excuse to take a sip from his drink.

“What am I doing? I can’t do this,” She said, her head falling into her hands. He set his cup down, unsure of what to do. He felt awkward, unsure of how to comfort her. Could he comfort her? Was it possible to comfort someone when you were the one causing them distress?

“Sure you can, you’ve already made it like,” he paused, checking his watch for the time, “fifteen minutes!”

“Kai, I can’t. This is insane. You are a deranged, borderline stalker, serial killer who tormented me literally to the point of suicide and I’m getting a coffee with you. God what is my life?” She looked up at him, finally without lingering hatred in her eyes, but instead of bringing him comfort, it just made her words sting worse. She was being honest and she was right, this situation was pretty abnormal.

He opened his mouth, ready to give an apology, to say anything, but nothing came to mind. His head was blank. For once in his life he was rendered speechless. What was he supposed to say? She groaned and put her hands back over her eyes, resting her elbows on the table.

“Do you wanna, like, get even?” He asked nervously. Slowly she removed her hands and looked at him.

“What?” She said exasperatedly.

“Um, I mean like do you wanna… stab me?” He whispered the last two words, using his hand as a guard. Her eyes widened and she scooted back, looking around the shop in bewilderment.

“You want me... to stab you?” She asked once she finally glanced back over at him.

“I mean, no, but if it would make you feel better then I’d be down for a minor stab wound. We could have matching scars, it could be something fun for us to bond over,” He didn’t think it was possible for her eyes to get any wider, but they looked comically large by the time he finished his sentence. She brought her fingers to her temples and took a deep breath.

“As much as I would love to shove a hunting knife in between your ribs, we’re kind of in public,” She replied, using her hand to gesture to the room filled with patrons.

“We could go somewhere private, you just can’t go anywhere near the face, it’s kind of my best feature.”

“Yeah, nice try, but I’m not going anywhere in private with you.”

“Smart thinking, I could just turn the tables and use my amazing new coven leader powers to gut you all over again,”

“You are just doing such a great job selling me on the newfound humanity, I can practically feel the empathy oozing out of you,”

“Um didn’t I just literally offer you a chance to  _ stab _ me?”

“Yes and then you threatened me,”

“It was a joke!”

“Not very funny!”

“You are so difficult! God can’t you see how hard I’m trying here?”

“Oh so you expect me to give you a pat on the head? Want a gold star for feeling guilty that you put me through literal hell? I was seconds away from  _ dying _ , Kai. Did you know that I was one malfunctioning garage door away from killing myself?”

“I know Bonnie, I was there, I know what you went through and everyday I hate myself for it, everyday I-”

“Wait what?” She said, interrupting him mid sentence. He looked up from the part of the table cloth his eyes had been trained on, meeting her stare. She looked confused, eyes narrowed and eyebrows furrowed. 

“What?” He responded, tilting his head and matching her disorientation.

“What did you just say?” She placed her hands on the table, palms down and looked him dead in the eye.

“Um, that I feel guilty about what I put you through?” He answered and she shook her head, green eyes glowing.

“No about you being there,” He looked to the side in thought, trying to remember what he had said, but his mind was still a whirlwind from the argument.

“What did you mean when you said you were there?” She asked, trying to gain his attention by craning her neck further in his direction.

“You mean when you-”

“Yes, when I was still in the prison world, what do you mean you were there?” He looked at her, eyes lighting up in understanding. He let out a light laugh in amazement, causing her eyebrows to shoot up.

“Oh of course they didn’t tell you,” He said, running a hand across his stubble.

“Tell me what?”

“How did I not think of that, I just assumed they would let you know-”

“Let me know about what!”

“I mean it’s a smart move on their part, but I am a little offended,”

“Kai!” Bonnie grabbed his arm and his eyes shot to the action. She shook it a little and his gaze slowly moved up to meet hers. She looked frantic and confused, eyes wide and mouth parted, but Kai just couldn’t think of anything else but her hand clasped around his arm.

“Who didn’t tell me what?” She asked, her stare boring into his soul. She let go of his arm and clasped them around her cup in anticipation as he took in a breath.

“I was there Bon, on your birthday,” She bit her lip in thought as he continued, “I went to the boarding house to ask them to give Jo an apology note. It was right after I merged and the feelings were pretty raw so I wanted to apologize and in exchange they asked me to help you. So, with the ascendant broken, um sorry about that by the way, I could only astral project the four of us over there.” Bonnie raised a hand and Kai paused the story, letting her take a second to process.

“The four of you?”

“It was me, Damon, um Eleonor? And, oh shit- uh her… cousin?” He said, failing to place the names of the two others.

“Jermey? Why don’t I know this?” She said, staring blankly at the napkin dispenser.

“Anyways, I got us all over there and we walked in on you with a bottle of bourbon and a camcorder and-”

“Oh my god, no,” She gasped, covering her face in shame. He cringed for her, if anyone had walked in on the setup to any of his many suicides, he too would die of embarrassment.  _ Huh,  _ he thought,  _ ironic. _

“Yeah, so when your buddy told us about your little pact, we all realized we needed to act a little faster to get our message about Nova Scotia to you,” Her head snapped up and a surprised expression lit up her face.

“The atlas was you? I thought that- ugh nevermind,” She shook her head, clearing it and motioned for him to continue. 

“Well technically Jermiah flipped the atlas, but then we ran into the complication of my younger, well she’s actually kind of the same age as me isn’t she? Damn that’s weird, anywho, my lovely sister ran me through with a fire poker, so,” Bonnie’s jaw dropped in shock, “Right? Insane lives, we're living Bonster. So I was bleeding out all over the kitchen, blah blah blah, Jeremy begs me to finish the spell, I oblige and he clicks a little button on the garage door, saving your life. Ta da!” As Kai finished his story, Bonnie stood up from her seat, looking like she was about to throw up.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked, standing up beside her about to grab her arm, but she pulled it back, her eyes trained on the ground. With a huff of breath she looked up at him, but her eyes were unreadable, a million emotions crossing her face.

“I have to go,” She said decidedly, collecting her purse from underneath her chair.

“No, Bonnie wait,”

“I’m sorry Kai, but I have to… I have to go,” She threw him one last glance before walking towards the front door. He sank back into his seat, feeling hopeless as he watched her leave. Her hair fluttered in the wind and the memory of his awkward comment from earlier hit him like a slap to the face. He sighed and looked back at the table, turning his back to where she was now probably headed down the street with that powerful ‘I’ve got places to be’ strut of hers. Smiling he grabbed her discarded coffee and took a sneaky sip.

_ Damn,  _ he thought,  _ that tastes like shit. _


	6. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonnie confronts Damon and Elena about not telling her the truth about what happened with Kai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use a song in this chapter called 'Lilac Wine' by Nina Simone so if you want to get the feel of the scene then you can listen to it! Once again thank you all for reading the next update should be soon.

Bonnie practically flew to the Salvatore house, her mind whirling with what to say as she stormed up the front door. She decided to forgo knocking and chose to instead blast the door open with magic, causing a yelp from inside. 

_ Well it looks like Elena and Caroline are home _ , she thought as she charged through the hallway, making a beeline for the sitting room. She saw as their heads whipped to her from their position snuggled together on the couch, the bourbon in his hand splashing a little.

“Damon!” She yelled, pausing behind the couch.

“Bonnie what the hell are you doing? You almost just ripped my damn door off the hinges!” Damon looked appalled, blue eyes flashing with surprise and it infuriated Bonnie even more.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked, lowering her voice to a threatening growl.

“Why didn’t I tell you what Bon, you’re gonna have to be a little more specific.” He set his bourbon down on the table and turned fully to her.

“About Kai. My birthday?” His eyes widened in understanding and he stood up from the couch as Elena watched on in shock. Bonnie let out a huff of air, partly in amusement and partly in utter rage.

“You lied to me Damon.”

“Well technically, I just withheld the truth,” She scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief, “Listen, it wasn’t personal, we just kind of... forgot.”

“Is that information supposed to calm me?” She asked as she approached them, stopping to stand in front of the fireplace.

“Bonnie it wasn’t Damon’s fault-”

“Elena don’t mistake my anger at Damon for lack of any for you. I’m just more pissed off at him at the moment,” Damon threw his hands in the air in frustration as Elena cowered back to her position curled up on the couch.

“Why’re you so mad at me?” Damon asked, advancing towards the front of the room where Bonnie was standing.

“You were  _ there _ , Damon, you know what Kai is like. Maybe telling me what happened may have been a little bit of closure for me, but no. You  _ forgot _ ,”

“It wouldn’t have made a difference, if anything it would’ve only made you feel more torn up about your grand escape.”

“Because you know exactly how I feel?”

“Be honest with yourself Bonnie, if we told you what happened, then your focus on helping us get Caroline and Stefan to flip back their switches would’ve been off,” Bonnie exhaled sharply, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“So that’s why you didn’t tell me? So my focus wouldn’t be off?”

“No!”

“That’s right, you didn’t tell me because as soon as I came back you needed me for something else!”

“Oh come on, I was just trying to do the right thing!” Bonnie’s nostrils flared and the fireplace lit up, causing Damon to flinch back.

“You made me babysit Caroline at a rave full of people, which by the way is a little overwhelming when you were trapped in isolation for months, and then threw Kai Parker in my face! How come ‘doing the right thing’ never includes what's best for me?”

“I said I was sorry,” Damon said, his anger beginning to slowly dissipate.

“Kai almost died bringing me back, saving my life! That’s more than I can say for you!” He looked like he was about to blow, blue eyes wide, the rage returning quickly at the mention of the Siphon.

“Bonnie, who told you about what happened? Did you talk to Jermey?” Elena asked, giving a skeptical look to Damon.

“No. No you are not turning this on me,” Bonnie responded as the flame in the fireplace began to settle down. Suddenly, Caroline and Stefan walked into the room, looking confused as they observed the scene in front of them.

“What’s going on?” Caroline asked, “We heard noises from upstairs.”

“That little weasel told you didn’t he,” Damon said, completely ignoring the couples presence. Bonnie pursed her lips, not sure of how to respond.

“What is he talking about?” The blonde not so subtly whispered to Elena, coming to sit beside her on the couch as Stefan stood at the back of the room.

“It’s none of your business Damon,” Bonnie replied.

“So  _ you’re _ allowed to keep secrets?” Damon took a step forward and Bonnie narrowed her eyes in warning.

“It’s different, you not telling me someone saved my life is much worse than me meeting up with someone who-”

“You met up with him? In person!” Elena interrupted, rising from the couch to stand beside her boyfriend.

“Who?” Caroline whined.

“Kai Parker, the guy who LITERALLY TORTURED YOU!” Damon yelled, causing the lights to flicker as Bonnie bunched her hands into fists.

“AT LEAST HE TOLD ME THE TRUTH!” She retorted as Caroline gasped in shock.

“Told you the truth? Bonnie, he was manipulating you!”

“How long have you been in contact with him?” Elena interjected, her voice was soft in an attempt to calm the situation.

“I- This isn’t about me!” Bonnie stammered. Everyone in the room gave her judgmental looks, making her feel cornered.

“Listen, you can’t see him again, it’s dangerous-”

“Elena, I can do whatever the  _ hell _ I want!” Elena flinched back in shock as Bonnie interrupted her. Stefan looked disappointed, his brows furrowed and arms crossed and Bonnie swallowed dryly. Usually that look was never for her and it was quite effective.

“Bonnie, you're sounding a little…” Caroline trailed off, her eyes moving off of Bonnie and onto the coffee table.

“Crazy?” Bonnie looked around the room at the concerned glances and chuckled, “That’s what you were gonna say right? What you’re all thinking. Maybe you're right, maybe I just became unhinged in isolation. Or better yet! Maybe the expression magic is coming back and it’s slowly driving me insane again!”

“Bon-”

“No you don’t get to ‘Bon’ me Damon!” Damon looked away and Elena settled a hand on his shoulder in comfort.

“You know what? Screw this, I’m out of here,” Bonnie said, pushing past the group towards the front of the sitting room.

“You don’t have to go, we can talk this out,” Elena followed her, but stopped abruptly as Bonnie turned sharply to face her.

“I’m not in the mood for a four against one right now Elena. You and Care should probably just stay here for the night, I’m sure you’d both be welcome.” Before Bonnie could fully storm out of the room, Caroline shot up from the couch and shouted,

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know damn well what that means!” Bonnie yelled over her shoulder, slamming the door on the way out.

She barely made it to her car before she broke down. Tears were streaming down her face, clouding her vision, but she started up the car anyways. She had to get away from there, even if driving with impaired eyesight might be dangerous.

_ You can’t see him again, it's dangerous.  _

Elena’s voice echoed in her mind and she shook her head in an attempt to clear it. She had never been in a confrontation with her friends like that before and it scared her. They were the only people in her life that she knew were truly there for her and she just screwed it up. 

_ But they lied to you, _ she reminded herself. At a stop light, she ran her hand across her cheek to wipe away her tears, leaving a black smear from her mascara. She wanted to scream, her frustration and anger piling on top of one another about to burst. She slammed her hands against her steering wheel repeatedly, letting out of a wail of anguish as her sobbing continued.

Time had slowed down, her anxiety building in the silence of her car. All she could feel was the leather beneath her hands as she pounded them on the wheel and the water streaming down her face. Quickly, she had readjust herself after a honk from the car behind her startled her back to driving. She wasn’t sure where to go. Instinctively, she had started to head towards Whitmore, but she really didn’t want to go back to her dorm, no matter how much her comfy sheets and mattress were calling to her.

Sniffling, she turned on the radio, trying to use it as a distraction. An old classics station came on and she turned it up to the soothing sound of Nina Simone’s voice. Grams had always played records like this when she was little. Bonnie could remember dancing around the living room to Ella Fitzgerald or Frank Sinatra, a time before blood thirsty vampires or magically reformed siphon sociopaths.

She missed her Grams so much. She had always been there to be Bonnie’s rock, the person that was in her corner to matter what and she wasn’t sure if she’ll ever have that again. She thought it was Elena, then Jeremy, then even Damon, but she was never enough for them. They always had someone better to choose.

“I feel unsteady, like my love,” Bonnie sang along weakly, tears dripping down her cheeks. The streets winding up to campus were deserted, everyone still probably finishing up their spring breaks. She rolled down the windows, feeling the breeze hit her wet cheeks and turned the volume up, immersing herself in the last verse of the song.

“ Isn't that she, or am I just going crazy, dear?” She mimicked Nina’s voice, focussing on the street lights as she passed by the park on campus. The lights were beginning to unblur as her eyes dried.

“Lilac wine, I feel unready for my love,” She finished the song as she pulled into a parking space. The coffee shop lights flashed before her. She wasn’t sure why she ended up driving here, but she found that she was grateful for the comforting atmosphere as she walked in the doors.

There were only three other people occupying the shop. A table tucked away nearest to the bathrooms, there was a student typing furiously away at a computer, and on the opposite side, a couple shared a slice of pie by the window.

“Two times in one day? Lucky me,” Mike said, attracting Bonnie’s attention.

“Yeah, um, can I just have a tea?” Her voice came out weakly.  _ Oh god, _ she thought,  _ I probably look like a train wreck right now. _ She pushed her fingers underneath her eyes, attempting to wipe away any remnants of her breakdown, but the barista said nothing as he turned to start preparing her order.

She exhaled in relief, looking around for a table to sit at. As she began to settle in at her usual table, Mike walked over, tea in hand.

“Oh, I forgot to pay!” Bonnie exclaimed, rushing to grab her purse.

“It’s okay, this one’s on the house. You look like you need it,” he responded. She blushed in embarrassment and raked her fingers through her hair, muttering a small thank you.

As she sipped, she felt her nerves and anxiety calm. She realized she never gave an exact tea flavor and was grateful for whatever he decided to go for. Her mind wandered to the events that occurred earlier in the precise place where she was sitting. 

It hadn’t been as bad as she was expecting, she supposed. He didn’t kill her or attempt to. He offered to buy her coffee which was nice. She rolled her eyes thinking of their conversation. How to get away with murder? Really? She chuckled and took another sip of her tea.

Reluctantly, she took a pen out of her bag and grabbed a napkin from the dispenser. She couldn’t get over the feeling of guilt at leaving him so suddenly. His face looked absolutely crestfallen when she ran off, something that befuddled her. Could he fake that? She wasn’t sure, but there was a feeling inside her that she couldn’t shake. A nagging telling her that she couldn’t just leave it like that. So she wrote a short little note on the cafe napkin. 

_ Sorry for running off. Meet at the park Sunday at noon? _

_ -Bonnie _

Tucking her pen back into her purse, she grabbed the note and walked up to the order counter.

“Can you give this to the guy I was with earlier when he comes in?” She asked and she tucked a strand of hair behind her hair nervously, still shameful of her pathetic appearance. She knew Kai would be back, apparently he was a “regular” here, a fact that still bugged her, but she ignored it, plastering a small smile on her face.

“Of course,” he said, gently taking the napkin. She nodded her head in thanks and headed back to her chair to finish her tea. As she looked down on it, her smile grew and her worries from earlier slowly dissipated.


	7. A Stroll in the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai and Bonnie meet up for a cordial walk in the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter took a little loner then usual, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party, so I didn't prepare to have this done. The support you all have been giving me has meant a lot and I thank you all for even taking a second to click on anything I write. Let me know what you think about this chapter, I was a little unsure about it!

“Hi,” Kai had been waiting for the past thirty minutes thinking of something to say, but that was the only word that tumbled out of his mouth when she appeared. He had been surprised when Mike handed him the napkin, not expecting her to be the first to reach out and so soon. 

The days leading up to Sunday were excruciating, room service and rented movies not being enough to soothe his anxiety. Balls of crumpled up paper littered the floor as he continuously attempted to write letters to Bonnie, but always ended up talking himself out of dropping them off at her dorm. Technically, he had promised that in exchange for meeting him, he would cease the influx of mail and he didn’t want to break a promise so soon after slight reconciliation.

The flowers in the park were in full bloom, daffodils and dandelions littering the grass. Kai held tight to the bunch of purple peony stems clenched in his fist. He picked them on the way over, not being able to resist the deep violet color, and he thought Bonnie would like them. She seemed to like purple anyways, he remembered watching her in the prison world always linger a second longer at lilacs rather than sunflowers, or how she had painted her nails purple for three weeks until Damon started to make fun of it.

Today she wore a flowy green sundress, her curly brown hair pulled up into a ponytail. She looked at him curiously and smirked.

“Hi,” She responded.

“Nice weather we’re having, right?” He wanted to slap himself. Nice weather? Isn’t that like the number one thing you’re not supposed to say in conversation? Thankfully, she ignored the comment and instead cocked her head towards the sad attempt at a bouquet.

“Oh, I got these for you,” she raised her eyebrows in surprise, “y’know as a peace offering?” He pointed them towards her, gesturing for her to grab them but she continued studying them, a perceptive look across her face.

“Where did you get these?” She asked, a hand feathering over one of the petals.

“There were like a ton of them in this little patch, maybe a block down the street.” She sighed and rolled her eyes, finally grabbing the flowers from his hands.

“Kai, you’re not supposed to pick those. It’s private property,” Bonnie explained as they began to walk along the trail that winds throughout the park. He smiled in relief at her reluctant acceptance of his offering, watching as she carefully examined the colorful petals as they went.

“What can I say, It’s the prison world in me,” he paused, looking over to her, “How are you doing with that by the way? The effects?”

Her gaze flickered briefly to his before moving down to watch her feet, a frown setting in across her face.

“What do you mean?”  
“Coming back is weird. At first everything was annoying to me, crowds, lines, anybody that came into my path, but I’m guessing that was just because I hated people in general. You get so used to it, nobody being around,” He said. They had begun to walk underneath a canopy of trees, the midday sunlight barely peeking through the spaces in between the leaves.

“Well if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have been stuck there by myself, so confiding in you about how I’m handling the change isn’t really at the top of my to do list.” 

Damn, he thought he was doing good. He cursed his former sociopathic mindset telling him to try confiding in her or to try to get her to confide in him. It had been a tactic that always used to work for him, to gain someone’s trust for his own profit, but he couldn’t expect that to work on Bonnie, it didn’t even work when he was  _ good _ at using manipulative skills. Not that he was trying to be manipulative, but he was just doing what he knew. And Jesus, the rejection hurt way more when he was actually being vulnerable.

“I was surprised to see you asked to see me again, with the way you bolted out of that coffee shop,” He said, clearing the memory of soured conversation with a new topic. She looked over to him quickly before responding.

“I wasn’t sure if you would write again and I felt a little bad for leaving in the middle of our conversation.” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Why would she feel guilty about leaving him? She hated him. A small smile graced his features. Apparently she doesn’t hate him as much as she thought she did.

“And how does the knock off version of the cast of True Blood feel about us being out together?” He questioned and watched as she blushed in response.

“Oh Bonster, you're not hiding me from them, are you? You know I would be offended, but it’s kinda hot being your dirty little secret.” She smacked him hard on the arm and he chuckled, earning a ferocious glare from the brunette. 

“Shut up, yes they know. Sorry if that ruins your perverted fantasy,” She mocked.

“And how’d they take that news?” He asked.

“Not well,” he glanced over to her and sat in expectant silence, urging her to continue, “I was angry, then they were angry, then I got angrier and stormed out.”

“Yeah, you tend to do that,” She shook her head and looked to her left at the various forms of wildlife scavenging for food.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” she confessed as they veered to the right at a split in the trail.

“Probably because I don’t have anyone to tell. Your secrets are, by default, safe with me, no matter how unfortunate it is that I am not one of them,” he said. He caught her as she failed to hide a smile at his joke and smirked in triumph.

“The story sounds interesting, by the way. If you would care to share the rest with the class…” He urged lightly, putting his hands in his pockets.

“The only reason I’m telling you is because it's an excuse for why I left. Don’t take this as a sign of friendship, got it?” He nodded, his mouth curving into a grin under her skeptical eyes.

“Well, I was pissed off at Damon for not telling me about my birthday, so I went to the boarding house to confront him and once it was revealed that you were the one to break the news-”

“So I was a secret!” He couldn’t help himself from interrupting and was met with a glare from a scathing set of emerald eyes.

“Sorry, go on,”

“I left soon after, haven’t talked to any of them since.” She looked somber as she spoke, sadness pooling in her eyes. She twisted her head to the side, hiding her face from view.

“Ah, well that explains it,” Kai stated matter of factly. Bonnie turned to him, a confused expression on her face.

“Explains what?” He smiled, clasping his hands behind his back.

“Why you decided to entertain my company.”

“How so?” She asked coyly.

“Because you have no one else to hang out with,” Bonnie scoffed and turned to him.

“We are not  _ hanging out _ ,”

“Oh really?” He challenged, “Then what are we doing?” She gave him a disapproving look.

“We just happen to be walking the same trail at a park-”

“That you invited me to-”

“Having the first somewhat decent conversation of our relationship.” As the trees above their heads disappeared to reveal a cloudless blue sky, a gust of wind blew past them, slightly ruffling the ends of Bonnie’s dress.

“Oh, we have a relationship?” He teased and she rolled her eyes. This was the longest amount of time he had ever seen her smile and he reveled in it. Her eyes looked bright in the sun, almost matching the vibrant green of the trees and he had to remind himself not to look too long, lest she get freaked out and remember who she was really with.

“You were right,” She said. He blinked at her in confusion, quirking up a brow at her statement.

“The weather  _ is _ nice.”

  
  


Thankfully, she managed to find a vase to stick the flowers in. They were currently sitting contedly on her nightstand, looking radiant in the sunlight. She smiled at them softly, turning back to the grimoire she was currently pouring over. Alaric had found one in the archives and lended it to her, but she had to give it back before her class on Wednesday.

She was taken aback when she got the text, surprised that Damon hadn’t told the professor of her recent association with his brother-in-law, but then again, was she really that astonished that Damon was withholding information from a close friend? Her nostrils flared in anger at the thought and she was annoyed with herself for letting him spoil her good mood.

Currently, she was working on a simple collection spell, something that would allow her to be faster at gathering the dust that was currently dwelling in abundance around the dorm. Caroline usually dusted daily, but with her not stepping into the dorm for over a week now, it had started to become noticeable. 

A knock at the door startled Bonnie away from her reading and she got up curiously. Was Kai making stops by her dorm in person now? Maybe since she told him to stop sending letters, he took that as an invitation to stop by. She braced herself to tell him to scram, but as she opened the door, the coven leader was not who she saw.

“Can I come in?” Stefan asked, hands in his pockets. Her mouth fell slightly agape as she moved to the side to let through. He nodded graciously and sat at the edge of Caroline’s bed as she closed the door behind him. 

“I thought we should talk,” He said. She sighed and moved to the corner of her bed, leaning against the mattress. They sat in silence for a moment before she nodded, giving him permission to start whatever guilt inducing spiel he was here to give.

“They feel terrible about what happened,” he started, “I think everyone said things they didn’t mean. I understand the hard time your going through, but-”  
“It’s smart of them to send you, the only one that didn’t blatantly judge me for decisions they’ve made ten times over,” Bonnie interrupted, looking unimpressed. She was disappointed by the beginnings of his speech, feeling terribly unmoved. Perhaps she had just grown more cynical since the last time she was in need of one of his famous pep talks.

“They shouldn’t have done that, they’re in no place to judge, but you have to know they were only concerned about you.”

“I don’t care if they were concerned Stefan! Elena and Damon both kept something important from me and they found a way to turn my anger against me!”

“Bonnie, they’re sorry,” Bonnie stood straight, arms clenched in fists at her sides.

“Then they should’ve told me that themselves!” She spat, crossing over to her desk, unable to contain her rage. She took a breath to calm herself and turned, facing his concerned gaze.

“I think you should go.” He rose from the bed and advanced towards her, his mouth open, but she cut him off before he could utter a syllable.

“I want you to go, Stefan.” She repeated. Stefan looked down, his jaw clenching and he nodded in acceptance. He headed towards the door, his hand on the knob.

“They miss you,” He said, his head turning slightly.

“It’s only been a week,” She retorted as her hand trailed over the pages of her grimoire. He turned around and eyed her sadly before opening the door, but before he began the walk towards the stairs, he gestured with his head towards the vase on her nightstand.

“Pretty flowers.”


	8. Rainy Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kai attempts to enjoy the rainy weather, but Damon confronts him about seeing Bonnie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this chapter, I just had crazy writers block, but I ended up really enjoying how this one came out. Thank you for all the birthday wishes!!! You are all so sweet, and its crazy I almost have 500 hits!!!! Thank you to all those people that regularly comment, it truly is one of the best parts of my day and motivates me to write. I'll try and get the next chapter out as soon as I can! <3

Rain drizzled lightly on his cheeks, causing tiny goosebumps to raise along his arms. This was his eighth day since the prison world witnessing a rainy day and he embraced it fully, catching droplets on his tongue as he strolled the park, looking like a crazy man to anyone that passed. Rainy days had been his favorite, even before the prison world. They made him feel safe and secure, like maybe if he stood in the pouring water for long enough it would wash away his despair.

The park was nearly empty, only a few umbrellas bobbing the trail. Kai didn’t have nor want an umbrella, opting to get soaked as he sat on a petite stone bench. He trailed a hand through his hair, water coursing across his fingertips, and heaved a sigh. It had been a nice week, his first one in quite a while, perhaps his first one ever. His mind drifted over the prosperity of the last few days, a free coffee, a new apartment, and of course the wonderful date with Bonnie in the very park he was sitting in now.

_ Not a date _ , he reluctantly reminded himself,  _ just a friendly outing _ . He smiled softly, lingering on the word friendly. Yes, she was snippy, doling out a few piercing insults, but it wasn’t the usual hatred. She was giving him something to work with, a relationship to work  _ on _ , and although he knew he didn’t deserve it, he was elated at the concept.

Would it be weird to show up at her dorm? Should he bring flowers again? A crack of lightning brought him from his thought and he watched it, entranced by the way it danced across the sky. God, he missed this, nature working cohesively together, not stuck in an endless loop. He could’ve watched it for hours, mesmerized by the way the droplets ran down his skin and the rumble of the sky.

“What the hell are you doing?” A voice asked. Kai stayed seated, his warm smile dropping into a rueful smirk.

“And what brings you to the park on a wonderful day such as this one, Damon?” Kai responded, turning towards the blue eyed vampire. Damon rolled his eyes, his black umbrella clutched tightly in his right hand. 

“I forgot how much of a prick you were,” Damon said and Kai’s smirk grew under the insult. He shook his head slightly in mock disappointment, chuckling slightly under the narrowed eyes of his new companion.

“Oh thats a lie, I’m pretty unforgettable.” Damon groaned and crossed in front of the bench, blocking Kai’s previous view, an action that annoyed Kai. It unfortunately looked like his week was about to get worse.

“Listen you little freak, we need to have a quick chat,” He popped his T as Kai propped his hands under his chin and crossed his legs.

“You can come up with better insults than that, can’t you? No offense, but I’ve heard much worse, abomination, mistake, psychopath murderer. You should call Bon Bon, I’m pretty sure she has a list somewhere. Actually, she-”

“Funny you mention Bonnie,” Damon interrupted, a scowl overcoming his features. His facial expressions had always been amusing to Kai, those crazy blue eyes and his ridiculous body posture, at least Bonnie was somewhat threatening. A mental image of the witch standing in a grocery store aisle, a look of pure fire in her eyes, drew Kai’s focus. That was the first time he saw that look, the look of pure power and confidence, and although he didn’t want it to be directed at him, he did hope that he would see it again.

“That’s exactly who I came to talk to you about.” The thoughts of Bonnie vanished as Kai looked back up to Damon expectantly, the smirk still plastered on his face despite the persistent rainfall.

“You are going to stop talking to her. Cut off all contact. Do not talk to her, write to her, don’t even think about her. Move to a different state, get the hell away from here. I’m not sure if you’ve been paying attention, but nobody wants you here, especially Bonnie, so your creepy obsession with her stops now.” 

As Damon rambled on, Kai had to physically restrain himself from bursting out into laughter. It was so in character for the raven haired Salvatore to search him out and start barking demands. The way he was doing it was amusing, his pronunciation of syllables, the look in his eyes like he believed Kai would was genuinely threatened by him. The siphoner chuckled slightly and wiped his brow, a waterfall of rain coming off as he removed his hand.

“Well you sure have changed your tune, I’m guessing it’s because you don’t need anything from me anymore,” Kai responded, his face lighting up at Damons enraged expression.

“You keep going on and on about how you’ve changed, but you still seem like the same punk that terrorized us in 1994,” Damon said while he sauntered around to a nearby tree, propping his back against it.

“Oh trust me Damon, I’ve changed. Bonnie has too, from what I hear she’s done putting up with your bullshit. It seems the only person that hasn’t endured some sort of mental breakthrough from our time in isolation is you. So that makes me a reformed sociopath, Bonnie a reformed doormat, and leaves you as a jackass who murders pregnant women!” Kai said enthusiastically, counting on his fingers as he numbered off the inmates of the prisonworld. Damon’s nostrils flared dramatically and he took a step forward, grabbing the collar of Kai’s shirt, bringing them nose to nose.

“You don’t know anything about me, Asshole,” He snarled, “If you come around Bonnie again, I will remove your heart from your body.” Kai gave a light laugh and placed his hand on top of Damons knuckle lightly.

“I would love to see you try.  _ Motus _ .” Damon flew back, his back slamming forcefully against the trunk of the tree. A crack sounded through the air and Kai wasn’t sure if the noise came from the incapacitated vampire or a bolt of lightning. 

The rain had eased up to a light drizzle, tickling his cheeks as Kai stood up. He straightened his collar, narrowing his eyes in annoyance at his ruined afternoon. Glancing over to Damon, he chuckled slightly, an idea forming in his head about how to salvage the day.

  
  


He knew it was probably creepy. No, it was definitely creepy, but he just couldn’t help it. Everytime he delivered a letter, he always crawled through the window, it was just habit at this point. A memory of his first time climbing up the side of the building struck him and he cringed at his past self.

He had been so nervous to drop off the letter, his hands clammy with sweat, making it difficult to keep a firm grip on the bricks and he fell down a story. He could still feel the slight ache in his side as he climbed now.

The window lock was easy to undo and he rolled his eyes at the notion that she still did it. She knew he could still get in, but alas she just  _ had _ to keep them locked. As he started to pull the window open, he panicked slightly. What if she wasn’t home? Or maybe he was underestimating her reaction to him breaking in. He had been anticipating slight annoyance or a flare of amused anger, but maybe she would be infuriated at him for invading her privacy. An embarrassed blush formed on his cheeks as he imagined accidentally breaking in on her changing.

He had finally hauled the window up and he stepped inside, an explanation on his lips, but the words turned to ash as he looked at the sight before him.

The room was a mess, clothes strewn about the floor and candles scattering every surface, their dripping wax dried up at the bases. She was curled up near the bottom of her desk, her hair in a sloppily made bun at the nape of her neck with papers littering the area surrounding her. She didn’t even lift her head as he stepped in, seemingly not noticing his presence, her tears drowning out any other noise in the room.

Kai froze, his face falling as the sobs wracking her body coursed through him like a knife. The last time he had seen her anywhere like this was on her birthday, but even then she was more contained, exhausted, but here she was violently crying out, her head tucked between her legs and her arms curled around herself.

“Hey,” he said softly, flinching as her head shot up. She scrambled back frantically, smacking her head against her desk, body trembling. He stepped back quickly, almost slipping on the hardwood as his wet shoe glided against the floor.

“Wha… What the hell are y-you doing here?” She stammered, her voice watery with tears. He could tell she was trying hard to mask her face, but he had already caught her and she knew it. Her hands wiped at her cheeks and her chest heaved as she attempted to calm her frantic breathing.

“Bon-”

“Don’t, don’t look at me like that,” She interrupted. Her focus was intensely fixed on his shoes, refusing to meet his concerned gaze. He cleared his throat and looked over to the papers all over the floor, trying to extinguish his pity. She didn’t want that from him and he felt uncomfortable feeling it.

“Tough assignment?” He teased in an attempt to cheer her up. She broke her fixed stare and glared at him, her hands clutched tightly around her.

“Get out,” He tensed, his jovial expression falling quickly into one of shame. Clearly, he lacked the social awareness to realize that joking was the farthest thing she needed right now, not that he had any idea what she could possibly need. Not him, that was obvious.

“Get out!” She repeated, a fresh tear slipping past her defense and down her cheek. He was tempted to take her offer and hightail it back out the window, but he stood his ground, drenching the floor around her. At his lack of movement, she dropped her head into her hands and turned away from him.

His body felt heavy, she never turned away from a fight. Never in his experience of knowing her had she given in so easily and it absolutely devastated him. She looked so small, her tiny body condensed into a ball and a small part of his brain produced the word ‘pathetic’. Scowling at himself, he sat down onto the bed closest to the window he came through, not caring if it got wet.

There was only one bed in the room not made, the others seemed perfectly neat, presumably untouched and due to the picture of a bright eyed blonde sitting on the nightstand, Kai assumed he was currently perched on Caroline’s bed. Bonnie’s corner had always fascinated him, the things she kept on display. Mrs. Cuddles was always watching carefully atop a pile of books along with a few stray candles and picture frames. She kept little post-it notes for herself around her space, telling her things she needed to do or buy or little motivations that helped her through the day, but his favorite thing had always been the array of gems she kept on display. They were organized so particularly, always the same order, and he knew that was the influence of Sheila Bennett.

As he looked around now, the gems were scattered across her bedsheet, one piece of amethyst shattered into tiny purple shards. The books had fallen off the nightstand along with a picture frame containing the three friends smiling widely on their graduation day. Kai failed to see any pink or blue post-its and Mrs. Cuddles was barely peeking out from under the bed.

“When I had my first panic attack, I thought I was dying,” He said, “I mean literally thought that was the end, the uneven breathing and the tears. I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack and I was pissed at the thought of dying in a goddamn motel room.” A small sound was heard from her corner and he lifted his head hopefully at the laugh.

“It’s weird right? Crying and breaking down and you have no idea why? It wasn't like anything happened, I was just sitting there and then suddenly everything just seemed like it was pressing in on me, I couldn’t breath, couldn’t think,” He scoffed and shook his head at himself, “I thought it was a magical side effect from merging, which I guess it sort of was, but I didn’t know why at the time.”

Bonnie was still turned away from him, but her body didn’t seem to be shaking as badly as a few moments before. She wore a simple white sweater, the threads interweaving together nicely and it looked comfortable, but unconventional for the start of summer. She must’ve been in here all day.

“I’m… I’m sorry for breaking in by the way. I was gonna come see you, but now I see how bad of an idea that was,” He said, laughing softly, “and I’m dripping all over your dorm, so sorry about that too.”

She stayed silent aside from an occasional soft sniffle and he watched her for a few minutes, waiting for her breath to even out. After he noticed her shoulders rising and falling in a normal pattern, he stood from the bed, leaving a remarkably large wet spot, and walked towards the door.

“Wait,” a weak voice said, “will you… stay?”

“Yeah, yeah of course,” He responded quickly, turning back from the door. She was facing him. Her eyes were red and puffy, but the way she was looking at him made her look the most beautiful he had ever seen her. Slowly, he walked towards her, giving her time to change her mind and tell him to get out. He sat down in front of her, criss crossing his legs.

“I am… I’m so sorry I did this to you,” He choked out, his own throat starting to close. She gave him a small smile and shook her head, stray hairs falling from her bun.

“You didn’t do this,” she said, laughing slightly at his expression, “Well yes, you did a little bit, but trust me this started before you were ever in the picture.” He stared at her in shock and she cast her gaze downward.

“I don’t forgive you, but… Thank you for apologizing, no ones done that before,” She looked up at him, her green eyes big and he bowed his head, his damp hair falling limply with the motion. His eyes were trained on the floor, wide in wonder. The part about not forgiving him stung, but her acknowledgment of his sorrow felt like someone had lifted a weight off his shoulders. 

When he looked up, a new tear was slipping down her face. Without thinking, he reached out a hand to wipe it away, brushing her cheek with his fingertips. She flinched back and he snapped his hand to his side.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“It's alright, your hands are just, really cold.” He smiled and tilted his head at her. A small chuckle escaped her and she looked over him.

“What were you doing out there? You’re drenched,” She said, an eyebrow lifting in question.

“I like the rain,” He responded.

“I can tell.” They both laughed and he raised a hand to flick water at her. A splash hit her in the face and she yelped. She closed her eyes and ran her sleeve against her face to dry it. Humor lit up her face and he smiled back, both of them staring at each other in comfortable silence.

Just as he was about to say something snarky, a sob escaped her throat and she cowered her head. He pushed towards her, concerned over her sudden shift in mood. He thought he had been doing a good job at getting her mind clear, but as he wrapped his arms around her, her bawling only grew stronger. 

She sank into his embrace, her face buried in his chest as her tears mixed with the rainwater that stained his clothes. He held onto her tightly, practically holding her in his lap underneath the desk. Her fingers clutched tightly onto his shirt and he raised a hand to the back of her head as she cried. 

_ I’m probably drowning her right now, _ he thought. She was pressed firmly against his chest, her tiny frame fitting against him and she was indeed getting rain all over her warm sweater, causing her to shiver.

“Your freezing,” She sniffled into his chest, but she didn’t move to let go. He smiled down at her, entranced that she would get this close to him. That anyone would. She tilted her head up and peered up at him.

“Are you uncomfortable?” She asked, moving backwards in embarrassment.

“No!” He exclaimed, scared of the coldness she left the more she moved away, “No, sorry, I’m just… Uh, not used to physical contact,” he continued softer. She stood and he sank into the desk in disappointment, but quickly perked as he watched her grab a blanket off her bed and walk back towards him.

She sank back down next to him and threw the blanket over the both of them, resting her head on his shoulder. They silently stayed in that position, his head dropping atop of hers, wetting her hair slightly. His fingers toyed with the end of the blanket anxiously. He was waiting for her to stand up, tell him he was pathetic and she hated him, was waiting for her to come to her senses and kick him out, but she stayed silent beside him.

He wanted to say something, but he had no idea where to start. He wanted to ask how she was, what she was thinking about, open up about his past, make a joke, but no words formed. Her breath had evened into a pattern and he picked his head up to look at her.

A smile snaked its way on his face as he caught sight of her face. She was fast asleep, eyes closed and lips slightly parted, intaking and exhaling breath as her head slouched against his neck. Carefully, he wrapped a hand around her back and underneath her legs, trying his best not to wake her as he carried her over to the bed in the far right corner. He thought it best to not put her in her own bed that had shards littering the sheets.

The blanket was still wrapped around her as he set her down and she looked extremely comfortable. His eyes softened as he brushed a stray hair from her forehead and he lingered his gaze a second longer before heading to the door, but he got distracted on the way. Delicately, he set Mrs. Cuddles next to Bonnie’s sleeping form and stole one last look before heading out the door, grateful it was still raining.


	9. Burnt Tongues and Soft Glances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caroline and Elena come to see how Bonnie is doing. Coincidently, Kai has the same idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to update :(((( I promise I'll try harder to get these out faster, but I hope this longer chapter makes up for it a little bit. I actually really enjoyed this chapter and I hope you do too! Stay safe everyone!

Bonnie woke with a start, heavily panting into the air. Her hands clutched the white sheets desperately as she tried to get a hold of herself, the memory of her nightmare still fresh in her mind. This time it was a pair of light green eyes smiling at her from atop a stage, her screams unheard by the mass crowd as he slit her fathers throat. She had to watch, again and again, as everyone she loved walked up on that stage, just to have their blood spilled down.

She closed her eyes and rubbed them. They felt puffy and raw, she could only assume she looked like a mess from the waterworks of the day before. Her room looked even worse then she did, papers everywhere, bed sloppily unmade-  _ wait. _

She’s not in her bed. She’s in Elena’s bed? When did she get here? Looking around confused, she spotted Mrs. Cuddles beside her pillow, staring at her unnervingly. She tilted her head at the stuffed bear, confusion apparent in her expression. She vividly remembered flinging her at her bed after ranting nonsensically to the poor toy for an hour.

The last thing she remembered was getting a blanket and sitting next to Kai underneath the desk. She must’ve fallen asleep, which means that he… carried her over to the bed? And brought Mrs. Cuddles over? 

That couldn’t be right, but couldn’t it? He did let her literally cry on his shoulder, so maybe this wasn’t so far off. She smiled softly at Mrs. Cuddles, lost in thought.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Bonnie jumped, clutching the bear to bring her out of harm's way. Caroline and Elena stood at the door, the brunette sending an angry look at the blonde while Caroline openly gaped at the state of the room, her gaze sweeping over the mess before landing on Bonnie.

“Bonnie, what happened?” She asked, taking a step forward from the doorway. Elena looked to where Caroline was referencing and her brown eyes widened in shock. Bonnie was normally the put together friend, not as organized as Caroline, but the scene that was laid out in front of the two roommates was more than concerning. She looked around herself, humiliated at the mess she had made in her downward spiral.

“It’s been a rough week,” She responded weakly, earning soft gazes from her friends as they slowly made their way over to her. Her hand absentmindedly trailed the fur along Mrs. Cuddles ear as she averted her gaze.

“Yeah for us too,” Elena said as she sat down cautiously on the sheets. Caroline nodded in agreement, standing next to Bonnie’s side. A tense air befell the room as Bonnie met their eyes, both of them looking uncomfortably stiff next to her. The blonde nodded softly to Elena who took a breath before meeting Bonnie’s gaze.

“Bonnie, I’m… so sorry. We should’ve told you, I know we should have and I’m so sorry we didn’t and I-” Elena broke off as Bonnie put her hand on top of hers, squeezing lightly. A tear slipped down Elena’s cheek and she choked lightly, scooting closer to the witch.

“Elena, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,” Bonnie started, “It’s just been...” She trailed off, removing her hand from her friend's grasp. She let out an amused puff of air and gestured towards her room.

“Well, obviously not great.” The other two let out weak laughs and Elena wiped her tears from her face with a sniffle.

“I don’t know how to explain it to you, what I’m going through,” Bonnie said, looking over to Caroline who was lightly smoothing out the pillow Bonnie’s head was resting on.

“We didn’t know that you weren’t okay, you seemed…normal,” Caroline said. Bonnie almost laughed. Normal was the last thing she had felt since the moment she became a witch. 

“Not that that's an excuse,” Caroline continued quickly, “but could you, maybe try to explain?” Bonnie surveyed them carefully before swallowing hard, attempting to muster up the courage to speak. She’d been trying for the last few months to push this all down, lock it up where she didn’t have to think about it and putting it into words seemed like letting it get to her. But it had already gotten to her, the state of her room confirmed that.

“It’s like the prison world buried me alive,” She began, slowly articulating her words, “It sucked the life out of me, my motivation, my hope, my sanity, and ever since I’ve been back, I’ve been trying to dig my way out. Sometimes I get a breath of air and think It's over, I’ve made it, but then I fall back in the hole in the ground and I can feel the dirt filling my lungs, suffocating me all over again and it just… It kills you, because you have all this hope that you're okay again, but then you're not and it feels like you're just back where you started and what's the point of continuously digging up if you're gonna fall back down every time.”

She could feel her eyes watering, threatening to spill down her face. She took a greedy gulp of air and fiddled with the bear again, distracting herself from the emotion building up inside her. A delicate hand fell upon her shoulder and she looked up into a pair of bright blue eyes. Caroline was crying, her lip quivering a little as she gazed at her friend.

She wrapped her arms around Bonnie into a light hug. Before long, a third body joined them and the three girls embraced each other tightly. Bonnie sighed in relief, she had missed her friends, missed having them beside her. She knew it wasn’t the same as it was, but it was something and that meant everything.

“Bonnie that’s… that’s so awful,” Caroline whimpered into her shoulder, her tears splashing down Bonnie’s sweater. She wasn’t sure how to respond, opting to pull out of the hug and wipe her own tears off her face.

“What can we do to help?” Elena asked softly, her hand still holding tightly to Bonnie’s arm.

“Clean the dorm,” Bonnie joked, causing the three to smile at each other. Caroline gave her hand a last squeeze before setting off to work in tidying the room. Bonnie walked over to her own bed and gathered the shattered amethyst that was scattered across her comforter. She had accidentally smashed it with her magic when she was attempting to calm herself down.

It had always used to work, holding the purple crystal tightly in her palm and thinking of her grams who had gifted it to her, but when she had clasped the amethyst in her palm the day before it only riled her up even more. It just reminded her that grams wasn’t here, that there was no one that could calm her down and a stupid crystal couldn’t replace the clarity that the elder witch used to bring. 

After it had shattered, the tears started. It seemed to be the most she had ever cried in her life, her sobs causing her throat to go sore, and it seems she had unknowingly lost control of her magic another time that night as papers were sporadically littered across the floor.

She held the shards tightly in her hand and whispered softly to them. She could feel the pieces tickling the soft skin of her palm as they made their way towards each other. A small smile formed on her face as she peeked at the newly repaired amethyst and set it on the counter, looking back at the quick progress Caroline and Elena had been making on the rest of the room. 

“Do we have any drinks?” Bonnie asked, feeling a little parched.

“There’s only blood bags in the fridge,” Elene responded. Caroline perked up at that and made her way over to the mini fridge while Bonnie huffed.

“I’m gonna go to the vending machine, do you guys want anything?” The two girls looked at each, giving an indecipherable look, before shaking their heads.  _ What was that about? _ She wondered as she walked over to the door.

As she turned the handle, the thoughts vanished from her mind. Kai stood in the doorway a fist up looking ready to knock. Bonnie’s eyes shot wide open and she pushed past him, slamming the door behind her. 

She racked her brain trying to remember if Caroline and Elena had been facing the door as she grabbed Kai’s arm and dragged him down the hall, ignoring the startled noise he made. His arm felt firm underneath his black jacket. Why the hell was he wearing a jacket in May? She ignored the thought and turned towards him, ceasing their movement.

“Why are you at my dorm?” She whispered angrily, giving him a glare.

“Why’d you storm me down the hallway? Are you feeling okay?” He responded, moving the back of his hand to her forehead. She swatted it away in annoyance and pursed her lips.

“ _ Caroline _ and  _ Elena _ are in the dorm.” He looked unimpressed as she narrowed her eyes.

“I thought you said you weren’t on speaking terms with the Brady Bunch,” He responded.

“Well obviously we are now. And the Brady Bunch? That doesn’t even make sense,”

“I wouldn’t know. Never saw it, that was more Josette’s thing, I was more of a ‘saved by the bell’ type of guy,”

“Yeah, of course you were,” She responded, rolling her eyes.

“I think you think that's an insult but I'm definitely taking it as a compliment. That show was rad,” She looked at him astonished and gave her head a slight shake.

“Rad? Oh my god you are so old,” He scoffed and she motioned towards his shirt in response. He was wearing a space jam graphic tee underneath a black denim jacket and he genuinely couldn’t look more fresh out of the 90’s if he had worn a knock off vanilla ice costume. 

“Got me there,” He glanced quickly around the empty hallway, “Where is everyone? Wasn’t spring break last week?”

“Probably at class, and how do you know when our spring break--  _ oh shit!” _ Bonnie responded, checking her phone for the time.

“What?” Kai asked as she began to walk frantically towards the stairs.

“Late for class. Damnit!” As her foot was about to touch the first step a hand wrapped around her forearm and yanked her back softly. She snatched her arm out of his grasp and he quickly stepped in front of her, sufficiently blocking her path.

“Or, you could play hooky with me instead. Bonnie Bennet’s day off?” He asked, a grin snaking its way across his features. She scowled and attempted to push past him, annoyed at his antics. 

“Come on Bonster it’ll be fun,” He teased as she grimaced at him.

“I’m not skipping class, get out of my way before I motus you down the stairs,” He smirked and stood his ground. She groaned and tapped her foot.

“I’m serious Kai,”

“Your buddies aren’t going to class,” He pointed out, nodding his head in the direction of Elena and Caroline.

“Well I’m not a vampire, I can’t compel myself good grades,” She retorted. Her arms crossed across her chest and she looked down, realizing she was still in the clothes she slept in. Suddenly feeling self conscious about her appearance she ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to calm what was probably a frizzy mess.

Kai gripped her wrist and pulled it down from her hair and she looked at him, startled by the movement.

“You look fine, now let's get some coffee. I’m sure your grades can stand one day of missed class.” She was about to respond when the sound of a door opening caught her attention. She gasped as she recognized it as her dorm door and turned to Kai wide-eyed. 

“Bonnie?” Caroline called from the door.

“ _ Invisique” _ Kai muttered underneath his breath as a bright blonde head popped out from the doorframe.

“Oh there you are, what is taking so long?” Bonnie looked quickly to where Kai had been standing, releasing a breath in relief as she saw an empty space beside her.

“Hello?” Caroline said, bringing Bonnie’s focus back to her.

“I… uh, class. Late for class,” She stammered, pointing a thumb towards the stairway. A sharp pain hit her in the arm and she winced.  _ Did he just flick me? _ She thought and restrained herself from expressing annoyance, opting instead to move over to the side. Caroline groaned and placed her hand on the door.

“Just skip today, let's have a girls day. You deserve it,” She said, a gentle look in her eyes. Bonnie nodded her head and gave her a small smile.

“Sure, Care,” She said.

“Now get back in here, you need to change,” Bonnie smiled and watched as Caroline retreated back into the room. Instantaneously, Kai’s form appeared back at her side and her smile dropped as she turned to face him.

“So you’ll skip with them, but you won’t skip with me?” He whispered and she gave him an annoyed look.

“They’re my friends,” She said, sticking a hand on her hip.

“Haven’t been your friends for the past week,” He responded

“And you have?”

“Uh, yes!” He said in disbelief. He was looking at her like she was stupid and she could feel her anger surge at the expression.

“Leave me alone,” She said, turning her back to him as she began to walk towards her door.

“Seriously?” He asked, trailing her.

“Yes, seriously. Stop following me around,” She whispered harshly. Frustrated, he grabbed her arm and spun her towards him.

“And stop doing that,” She said.

“Doing what?”

“Grabbing me.”

“You're so bossy,” He said with a smirk.

“You’re so irritating,” She retorted, wrenching her arm away from him. He let out a quiet laugh and looked up at her with sparkling grey eyes.

“Meet me at our place at 8,” He stated. She looked at him skeptically.

“Our place?” She asked, brows raised.

“The coffee place,” He responded, putting his hands in his pockets.

“That's our place now? We’ve only been there like once,” He opened his mouth about to respond, but closed it.

“Just meet me Bon,” He said before turning to walk down the staircase. She watched after him astounded. She was shocked that he just walked away, but was even more surprised that she found herself internally complying with his demand. 

“Come on!” A shout from the dorm room called, knocking Bonnie away from staring dumbly at the stairs. She sighed and opened the door, ready for a long day.

  
  


The coffee burned her tongue and she cringed, quickly putting the cup down. Kai was opposite her, holding onto a hot chocolate with both of his hands and watching her carefully as she took a sip of water.

“So how was girls day?” He asked with a teasing tone. She set her water down and looked at him.

“Do you actually want to know?” He smiled and raised his cup to his lips.

“Nope, I was being polite. Don’t know if you’ve heard of it.” She scowled and balled up the napkin in her hand, sending it flying at his head. He laughed and dodged it, taking a drink from his mug.

“You’re just proving my point,” He said and picked at his chocolate muffin.

“Well it was a nice day, we got facials,”

“Facials? Damn they really went all out, didn’t they?” She rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair. He cleared his throat slightly, his smirk falling off his face as he looked up at her hesitantly.

“Um, how are you doing?” He asked awkwardly. Bonnie shifted uncomfortably and looked down towards her feet, feeling the embarrassing memories of the night before.

“We don’t have to-”

“No we should. I want to make sure you're okay,” He interrupted. Their eyes met and she gulped, her throat feeling incredibly dry.

“That’s why I came to your dorm this morning, I was checking in.”

“Why?” She asked.

“To make sure that you were doing alright,” He responded, leaning closer in his chair.

“No, why do you care? Do you just feel guilty or something?” She clarified. He broke the gaze and fixed a stare intensely on the surface of the table. She couldn’t read him. Well she never could, but this was different. Lately, it felt like he was just as confused about what he was thinking as she was.

“I would want someone to do the same for me,” He was almost whispering and she leaned in to catch it. His eyes shifted up towards her quickly before darting back to inspect the surface of the table. She tilted her head at him, surveying him.

“So you want me to be your therapist?” She asked. His head shook lightly and he sighed.

“Nevermind,” He said, dismissing the conversation. She looked to the side and bit her lip, mentally debating herself. She felt conflicted, not quite sure what to do, she knew what she probably should say or what all her friends would want her to say, but she felt compelled to do the opposite.

“Okay, fine. Your turn,” She said, setting her hands in her lap in defeat. He eyed her cautiously and quirked up an eyebrow.

“Go ahead, you saw me in emotional distress, it’s only fair if the sentiment is reciprocated.” He smiled at her, a soft smile unlike his usual smirk. She felt herself mirroring the expression.

“Where to start?” He teased, “Neglectful abusive family? Eighteen years in isolation? Suddenly obtaining all the feelings you’ve missed out on all your life all at once? All very emotionally impactful things,”

“Kai,” She said softly. He looked at her and dropped his joking demeanor. He stared down at his cup and she watched as he attempted to sort out his thoughts.

“I’m serious I really don’t know where to start,” She waited patiently, drinking from her cup as she sat in silence and gave him time to decipher his thoughts.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about my family recently,” He began to trace patterns on the table with his fingertips and she followed the movement with her eyes as she listened intently.

“I felt so guilty for what I did. It was awful. I hurt the people I grew up with, I hurt the person I shared a womb with. I don’t know how I’m supposed to forgive myself for that,” He took a breath and looked at Bonnie, watching for her reaction, “It’s weird because when I didn’t feel, I put all the blame on them and then when I got all of Luke’s empathy, I put all the blame on myself and now I’m having a really hard time trying to piece that together. Sorry, I don’t know if that makes sense.”

Bonnie nodded empathetically and sat forward in her chair.

“It makes sense Kai,” She said softly, “I understand.” His eyes widened and he let out a breath. He looked rattled and she averted her gaze. Her breath quickened and she counted to ten in her head in an attempt to calm herself. Maybe this was too much. Having to sympathize with him might be pushing it too far. But he was making sense, his thought process is how someone who was actually going through something like this would think, which means that he can’t be faking it. Unless he’s just that good. God she was driving herself crazy.

“Is this weird for you? I can stop and we can go back to making fun of each other,” He said, noticing her sudden change in mood. She straightened and turned back to him.

“No, I’m fine. Go on,” Why did she say that? She smiled politely and took another drink of coffee. He narrowed his eyes, but let out a breath.

“I just feel so angry when I get all guilty, because that old mindset comes back. They started it and I finished it. That’s how I always used to think of it, how I thought of,” Kai looked over to Bonnie and looked back down, “everything.”

“But I always took it too far,” He continued, “I know it was wrong and awful, but I still feel so angry at them for how they treated me and that makes me feel even worse.” Bonnie looked over to him and nervously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“How did they treat you?” She asked.

“Imagine everything you shouldn’t do as a parent and now add witchcraft,” He responded, chuckling at the idea. She turned her head and faced the window, watching as the glow of the streetlamp flickered against the glass. 

“Geminis start young, my father started telling me and Jo about being the leaders of the coven at age three, preparing us for leadership. They loved me at one point I think. I vaguely remember studying with my father or cooking with my mother, but as soon as prodigy Josie started to get her powers, that all went away. God I hated her, she was such a brat, practicing her magic when she knew I couldn’t, showing off in front of mom and dad. They kept me in the basement, out of sight out of mind, didn’t let me out unless it was absolutely necessary, and at first it hurt like a bitch because all my other siblings got all this love and adoration and I couldn’t even hold mommy's hand when I had a nightmare,” Kai scowled and took a harsh drink from his cup, “But then I started not to care, at least I knew that I was the one that would run the coven, that they would answer to. They all hated me, my siblings. I think it was my parents that told them to, didn’t want them to potentially get siphoned by me, become infected by my presence, only Jo would stand to be near me at all. She would come down to the basement sometimes with a bottle of wine and we would get wasted,” He smiled fondly before a dark look befell his features, “We got caught one time, she accidently bumped into my dresser and my cd player fell off and smashed to the ground. Dad was pissed, punched me so hard it broke my nose, told me to never touch any of his belongings again or he would move me out to the shed in the backyard. Jo never came back down after that.”

Kai’s knuckle was white with how hard he was gripping his cup. His eyes trained on the contents. Bonnie’s mind was racing, dots connecting, sympathies arising, reluctant memories of thanksgiving dinner bubbling in her brain. She looked at him curiously, her eyes saddened by his story.

“I siphoned some magic off of a necklace I stole from one of my sisters to heal my nose and then I set fire to the liquor cabinet, but they couldn’t prove that one was me. I used to be so proud, look in the mirror and know that I was more than they said I was, but now when I see my reflection only the monster and abomination look back,”

“You're not,” Bonnie said strongly as Kai’s voice broke off. He met her eyes and she stared back into the swirling colors of blue and grey.

“You’re not an abomination or a monster, Kai.” She moved her hand to rest lightly on his, which were still perched on the mug. His breath audibly caught and he looked down at where they were now touching.  
“You’re not who you were, I can see it. I think you’re just…” He watched her expectantly and she absentmindedly rubbed his hand, “a little broken.” He smiled, ducking his head in a chuckle.

“Thanks Bon,” He said sarcastically. She rolled her eyes and moved to retract her hand, but he grabbed it before it was out of reach, interlacing their fingers.

“I thought I told you to stop doing that,” She said quietly.

“Broken, huh?” He asked.

“That means you can change, be better,”

“Be fixed,” She sighed and looked back towards the window.

“I think we all need to be fixed,”

“Not you,” He said. She looked over at him curiously, an amused smile playing on her lips.

“You’re perfect,” She laughed and took another drink from her cup while shaking her head.

“Now we both know that's not true.” She said.

“I beg to differ,” He retorted.

“I was a mess yesterday.”

“A perfect mess,” He corrected as she removed her hand from his grasp to hold her cup with both hands.

“I might be just as broken as you, Malachai.”

“Wow full names, now we’re getting serious,” He joked lightly, “Maybe you are, but it sort of adds to the intrigue.”

“I’m glad my problems intrigue you, at least they’re doing something for someone,” He chuckled and they both took another sip as he finished off his muffin, smiles on both their faces. They sat in silence for a moment, both looking out of the window. It was oddly peaceful, just the two of them enjoying each other's presence while sipping on good coffee.

She glanced at him through the reflection on the glass. His eyes were gorgeous, she noticed. They looked deep in thought as ocean blues and sea greys mixed together around his iris. He met her gaze and they stared at each other.

“I’m sorry about your family,” She said, “You didn’t deserve that, you were just a kid.”

“I’m sorry about your shitty friends,” He responded, looking back down at his cup. He tsked lightly and turned back to the table.

“Drinks gone,” He said sadly, pushing the cup towards Bonnie for inspection.

“Want a sip of mine?” She asked.

“Ugh no, you have a terrible coffee order,” He said with a grimace on his face.

“I know, I trained myself to like it so no one would ask for any,” He looked at her in wonder as she smirked into her cup downing the rest of her drink.

“See?” He said, “Perfect”


End file.
